Ask Me No Questions …
By Ghazala Akbar


After being in a state of hibernation during the most difficult week in its history, the Government of Pakistan is now back in business.

The PM addressed Parliament. He cut an elegant figure in his new French suit. He might be incomprehensible sometimes but he is good looking. Even Angelina Jolie said so. The PM has an excellent tailor. Thankfully, today he also had a good writer. Who knew a bit about history.

We did not invite Osama bin Laden. We did not create the Mujahedeen. We did not finance radical madrassahs. We did not encourage jihad against the evil Soviet Empire. You did. You let the jihadi genie out of the bottle. And when the Berlin Wall came tumbling down you said Hi! Hi! to your new friend Gorbachev... doing us one single favor... Bye, Bye, Zia-ul-Haq.

Poor ‘ole Pakistan was left holding the Afghan baby and a war-torn mess in its backyard. Illiterate, unruly, jihad- crazed tribesmen armed to their teeth with Stinger missiles, Soviet SAMS and Kalashnikovs. What were we supposed to do with these trigger-happy-fundos-gone-mental? Big idea from I-Spy-I.

Let’s make them our assets. Let’s make the Taliban our buddies. Let’s export jihad to liberate Kashmir. In return we get a bit of strategic depth; an Afghan hump to our narrow back and a proxy war. Were you concerned? No way. Only when you heard we were going nuclear you cancelled our F-16s and pressed sanctions on us. No thanks for all the dirty work we did for you for decades. And we go back a hell of a long way. We turned our backs on our non-aligned Afro-Asian friends to enter alliances with you in a post-colonial world. We gave you an airbase in Peshawar so you could fly U2 spy planes over the Soviet Union. Remember Francis Gary Power? Ironically his plane was shot down on May1, 1960. We opened the back-door in 1971 for Nixon to visit China so that you and Peking are now speaking. We joined your coalition against Saddam Hussain to free Kuwait. We indulged Papa Bush when he went into Somalia with his New World Order. Black Hawk down, Mogadishu 1990. We joined your War on Terror...”Either you are with us or against us or...we will bomb you into the stone age.” We helped you catch Libbi, Ramzi Bin al-Sheeb, Abu-Zubeydah, Khalid Sheik Mohammed and scores of other baddies. We let you drone our own people in South Waziristan. We let your trucks pot-hole our roads to get supplies into Afghanistan. We got $18 billion but you have spent trillions. And what did we get for our trouble?

The wrath of Al-Qaida and its Franchisees. They declared war on us.

We are now the most dangerous place on earth. Oh what a speech! Wah! Wah! Wah! Some you said and some I added. But that’s not what the people wanted to hear Mr. PM.

Who’s interested in history but old-goat academics in bow-ties! It’s what you didn’t say is the big question. Who let Osama bin Laden in? O-bla-di went on for OBL in scenic A-Bot-A-Bad! Why was he living peacefully when Pakistanis are cowering in their homes? Our cities are now fortresses! Our lives a living hell! Bombed, Droned, Maimed. And what about those poor recruits at the PMA, Kakul... living next door? How could those young cadets, our future officer corps have been exposed to such danger? How could you not know when 4 choppers sneaked into our air space? Will you know the next time a chopper lands on my roof or do I have to read about it on a Tweet?

Questions! Questions! Big Questions! Are we ever going to get any answers? Will there be an independent 5/2/11 Commission or will you pass the proverbial Buck? Ah! Money! That reminds me of a story making the rounds Mr. PM, regarding your Boss.

Apparently on the eve of May 2nd, President Obama rang him up. “We’re going to get Osama (Operation Geronimo) tonight. Do you want CREDIT for it,” he asked?

“No”, answered your Boss, “I want CASH.”

How much? “Whatever, but I want ten per cent!”

Ask me no questions....


Editor: Akhtar M. Faruqui
2004 . All Rights Reserved.