Heads We Lose
By Nadeem F. Paracha
What an outrage it was to lose our first game to India in the 2015 Cricket World Cup. We should have won. We should always win against India because we are a better side. It would have been (kind of) okay had we gone down fighting and had India been outstanding.
But India was not outstanding. India is never outstanding. It’s only outstanding at home, not outside it, and especially not in Australia.
One can suggest that our record in Australia hasn’t been all that outstanding either but being a more outstanding team than India we should have outclassed India in Adelaide on that not very outstanding day.
But, alas, this was not to be and the Pakistan nation was left to face humiliation, depression, outrage, anger and some very rude tweets. So let’s get to the heart of what caused this.
First, the selectors should never have picked Misbah as captain. He’s already 41 years old. He was always 41. In fact, I believe he was born 41.
Yes, he was the only Pakistani batsman who scored runs in that fateful game against India, but what good did that do? Yes, he’s been our leading batsman for over four years, but what good did that do?
Yes, last year he became the most successful Test captain of Pakistan, but what good did that do?
It did nothing for Pakistan cricket. Nor did it do anything good for the Pakistan Ideology, the Pakistan economy, or for the faith of millions of pious Pakistanis. Only Imran Khan looked good at 41. What a dude! Secondly, why was Younas Khan sent in to open? He’s been playing his cricket like one plays volleyball on the beach. He should be dropped. Physically. From a balcony.
But why blame the players when something more sinister is taking place in the ICC and the PCB.
Recently former Pakistan batsman, captain and pious lad, Mohammad Yousuf (formerly Julian Ted D’souza Jr.), suggested that Pakistan were made to lose a game against Ireland during the 2007 World Cup when the organizers secretly prepared an extremely green and bouncy pitch for the match.
We all know about the battery of terrifying, quick and crafty fast bowlers that Ireland has and they were given a pitch that was perfect for fast bowling.
The idea was to cause a Pakistan batting collapse and injure its two leading and most pious batsmen at the time, Yousuf and Inzimam.
The plan succeeded and Pakistan were bounced out from a tournament that they were destined to win because we were an outstanding team and very pious too — something that was later destroyed by the current PCB set-up and that 41-year-old liberal fascist, Misbahul Haq.
So, yes, it can now safely be suggested that had the PCB and ICC not been colluding again to see Pakistan chucked out early from this year’s World Cup event as well, we would have won the game against India. We are outstanding enough to outstand them outstandingly.
But you see, a Pakistan win in that match would have meant lesser corporate sponsorships and thus less money for the ICC and the PCB. So, Pakistan was made to lose.
And this is how: it all started by selecting an aged man to lead Pakistan. This created a generation gap between him and the young players, such as Shahid Afridi, Younas Khan, coach Waqar Younas and Urdu author, Mustansar Hussain Tarar.
The generation gap created a communication gap. Like, for example, at a team dinner the night before the game against the Hindus (and one bad Muslim), Misbah asked Irfan to pass the tomato ketchup. Waqar interrupted to say, ‘You mean tomaato ketchup?’ ‘No,’ said Misbah, ‘I meant tomato ketchup.’ Waqar insisted it was tomaato until Irfan called a waiter and asked him to get Misbah some ‘tamaater ki chatni …’
So, when the skipper, the coach and the team should have been discussing strategy for the all-important game, they were discussing tomato, ‘tamaato’ and tamaater.
However, more diabolic and disconcerting is another fact: the PCB has been gradually infiltrated by men who have no interest in uplifting Pakistan cricket. In fact, it is always good for their business interests if Pakistan actually loses. And these men are not just selfish and greedy profiteers.
Reports now confirm that the PCB has been infiltrated by closet members of the Illuminati, the Freemasons Society and the Church of Scientology.
Some guys who helped fake the 1969 Apollo moon-landing too are said to be at the helm of affairs in the PCB and the ICC. And they are the ones who made sure that Saeed Ajmal is wrongly reported for illegal bowling action and then not sent to Australia with the team even after he corrected his action and took 172 wickets in two first-class games in Rawalpindi.
Ajmal knew it was the Illuminati, the Freemasons, the Church of Scientology and the guys who faked the Apollo moon-landings that were keeping him out, but he preferred not to take their names because that would have completely ended his career.
He just said, ‘I wasn’t ready yet …’, to which many skeptics replied, ‘Lifafah’, meaning that he’d received an envelope full of bribe money from either CIA or RAW or PCB or ICC or PMLN or PPP or MQM or Microsoft.
People who are raising all these questions know their cricket well. Thus they are correct to suggest that had Ajmal been in the side on that fateful day in Adelaide, Pakistan would have won. And that too, by at least four goals. - Courtesy DAWN