Reunion
By Mowahid Hussain Shah

 

In modern living, transactional connections often supersede old school ties. There is a pattern of meeting people, not because you want to meet, but have to meet for pragmatic needs. Sometimes, pragmatism is carried too far, at the expense of meaningful connections. Its byproduct is being stuck with false friends who, when the train of life becomes derailed, become unstuck.

he degradation of friendship is one of the blights in the West. It compelled British Prime Minister Theresa May to set up a Ministry of Loneliness in 2018.

Technological advancement coexists with spiritual impoverishment.

During summer 2021, it was refreshing to observe a reunion at a small private girls’ college in the American South. It was a rekindling of old bonds. I saw how it gave a sense of belonging to those who, long ago, had shared a small portion of their lives and had not forgotten about it. Noteworthy was it to see how it triggered fund-giving donations from alumnae with no expectations of any reward or return. Laudable is the spirit of volunteerism that permeates American civic life.

I saw those who were not rich, but were enriched with friends and a treasured history of shared space. That commonality, continuity, and commitment was visible. There were reminiscences of an important chapter in their history along with gratitude of having made it thus far while marking the loss of those who didn’t. Reunions are an occasion to laugh a little and cry a little.

The existing trajectory is of loosening and fraying of ties. Rediscovery often comes too late. Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative nurse who tended terminal patients and often conversed with them, wrote a 2012 book about it, “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying.” She concluded that a top regret of dying patients was in not maintaining friendships: “Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

Instructive was a visit to an on-campus health clinic. What struck me was that its primary thrust was not to cater to physical injuries/ailments; rather, it was to students grappling with mental health problems. I talked to one of the health directors. He told me that depression veering on suicidal thoughts was sufficiently prevalent to cause concern. Suicidal depression is one of the unspoken issues amongst the young in America. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 29 percent of young adults between 18 and 25 suffer with mental illness. It does represent a sociological failure.

Reunions are a good refresher course for rejuvenating the human spirit. Loneliness and social isolation are an epidemic in the West. One is connected by technology yet still disconnected from each other. It ties in with the other epidemic of mass shootings, often by loners, that has been routinized and normalized. It calls for a brutal scrutiny of the dark side of modernity where one can be physically alive but still die a social death.

The smugness and self-conceit of the well-educated is part of the problem. Amongst some, there is a sense that they are smart, know better, with the delusional mythology of being exceptional and indispensable. One can be educated to become bad and remain deficient in decency.

Exceptional has been the damage done by the hubris of the educated elite. 50 years ago, David Halberstam alluded to it in his book, “The Best and the Brightest.” Predictable, then, is repetition of the same mistakes and the persistent pattern of sameness, without the lifting of sights and the vision of excellence.

A recurring criticism heard of American Muslim elites is that, for a large part, it is all mouth. Its great peril is from within. It is not hate, prejudice, or bigotry from outside. It is the indifference within, which fails to bring people together. There is so much human potential being buried without it being harnessed for a common purpose.

Camaraderie is therapeutic. It is to love where you live, along with the commitment to make it better. It is often made better by giving priority to human connections.