Preserving Our Faith during the Holidays: Mistakes Made, Lessons Learned
By Wendy Díaz
Maryland

 

The winter holidays can be intimidating for Muslims trying to preserve their faith and traditions in a majority non-Muslim land. We feel constantly surrounded by colorful décor, Christmas tunes, seasonal sales, and the familiar, warm spiced scents of the winter holidays. Sometimes we may even catch ourselves humming a Yuletide tune that we have heard millions of times at the grocery store, and quickly make amends with a remorseful, “AstaghfirAllah!” 

For some of us who converted to Islam, the spirit of the holidays is all too familiar. Not only were we immersed in it but we also participated in it and it was a huge part of our upbringing. Christmas is for Christians what Ramadan and Eid-ul-Fitr is for Muslims – “the most wonderful time of the year!” Not only Christians cherish the holiday season but also people of other faiths and even atheists. They use this time as an excuse to gather, give gifts, eat, and be merry. 

For Muslims, our “holy days” for celebrating are the two Eids and there is scholarly consensus forbidding us from participating in other religious festivals. Moreover, Christmas is a religious holiday that contradicts the Islamic monotheistic principle of the Oneness of Allah. Given that we live in a place where many people observe Christmas, how can we balance being a good Muslim relative, friend, or neighbor to those celebrating?

Looking back to when I converted to Islam, I remember my first few Christmases being a time of confusion. As a former Christian, I viewed the holiday as hypocritical, senseless, and grossly over-commercialized – a supposed celebration of the birth of Jesus, “the son of God,” doing all the things the historical figure of Jesus stood against (like shirk, extravagance, greed, alcoholism, eating pork, etc.). So, I wanted to be far removed from its observance. I also wanted my declaration of faith in the One true Creator to be loud and clear by shunning everything that contradicted it. (For a fuller history of the author’s conversion story, see Bringing Voice to a Life’s Journey to Islam, a review of her book of poetry entitled “ De Puerto Rico to Islam With Love .”  

Of course, these are commendable intentions for a Muslim, but there are gentle ways to approach such endeavors. Unfortunately, in my overzealousness and ignorance, I hurt the people closest to me, my family, by completely shunning them during their celebrations. Instead of proceeding with caution, I ended up destroying relationships that I am still trying to mend after more than 20 years of being a Muslim. The silver lining is that I learned from my mistakes and now I can guide my children to be more tolerant of other faiths and practices. This is closer to what our religion teaches.

Ghosts of Christmas Past 

I am not alone in my experience as a Muslim navigating the winter holiday season. To prepare this article, I surveyed fellow converts on social media, asking what, if anything, had they learned from their first Christmas as a Muslim and what would they change with regards to their treatment of non-Muslim relatives during this time. Although some responses varied, the majority regretted lost opportunities for bonding with their family. Most of them have been Muslim for a few years and have since learned how to be more patient with their non-Muslim relatives and their practices. What they said can teach all of us, those who converted and those who were raised as Muslims, a thing or two about how to approach the holidays.  

Here are some of the most notable responses: 

• About what she would do differently, a sister named Hidayah said, “I would be kind, go to dinner with the family, accept gifts, and enjoy family time. I would not have been so horrible.” 
• Sister Laura expressed something similar: “I wish I had known that it's permissible for converts to spend the day with family, eat, laugh, and receive gifts as long as we avoid overtly religious stuff. I hurt my family's feelings by saying I couldn't spend the day with them anymore. I do wish I could go back in time.”
• Brother Ahkil commented that during his first Christmas, he was rigid and strict, but after his sister began celebrating Eid with him every year, he changed his approach. He said, “I believe in reciprocity and will go to my sister’s house to eat on holidays like Christmas, but it just includes eating and fellowship and no gift exchange. I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I do celebrate family.”
• Sister Kirin noted that she checked out of her family’s holiday celebrations that involve drinking and smoking ten years ago, however, there are traditions that she wishes she would have kept alive. She said, “Before I became Muslim, I had a mailing list that I would send cards to every year. It was a long list and a tradition of mine. When I embraced Islam, I stopped sending cards. That abrupt change was difficult for my loved ones. Looking back, I would continue sending cards but choose the "Thinking of You" variety (instead).”
• Sister Islaah, whose mother is now 91 years old and lives with her, cooks for her mother on her “special days.” She said, “She knows that I don’t celebrate them, but I also feel an obligation toward her. This challenge was easier years ago. I just didn’t attend (holiday gatherings) but tried to be present for other things. In hindsight, however, I think I could have been more diplomatic. There is a thin line between being staunch and being disrespectful, particularly toward our elders.”
• Sister Patti reminded that her family lived and experienced her as a Christian and had winter holidays with her most of their adult lives. “That makes the change in practice hard on them, especially my twin sister. I think showing them love and wishing them happiness is good and I invite them to participate in and recognize our Eids. We’ve had convos about our differences in spirituality and religious practices and it’s good to model the same open acceptance we want from our family.” 

‘Tis the Season to be Muslim 

Perhaps, this is why even the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, accepted gifts from non-Muslims and respected their traditions. The new community of Muslims around the Prophet were like the converts of today – they were learning how to live Islam while keeping their ties of kinship with their non-Muslim relatives and tribesmen. Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Prophet was given gifts by Khosrow and he accepted them, and kings would give him gifts and he would accept them (Tirmidhi). The Prophet and his companions understood the importance of good manners, even when dealing with those of other faiths. 

Any missed opportunities to interact with family, friends, and neighbors are missed opportunities for dawah. The fact of the matter is that most Christians we encounter on a daily basis have no clue about what Islam teaches. They do not know Muslims believe in Jesus as a great Prophet of God, peace be upon him, and that we believe in his miraculous birth. We cannot even call ourselves Muslims if we do not believe in Jesus! Yet, we do not celebrate his birth for reasons they are unaware of. We can use this time to gently explain our position when questions arise. However, we should be sensitive towards their beliefs, as Allah stated in the Qur’an, 

“Allah forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for (your) Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them: for Allah love those who are just.” 

(Surah Al-Mumtahanah, 60:8)

He also instructed Muslims to say, “For you is your religion, and for me is my religion”   (Surah Al-Kafirun,  109:6). 

Allah is so infinitely merciful that even when human beings deny His Oneness or attribute to Him a son or partner in worship, He still fulfills their needs and grants them free will. Our religion exhorts us to treat Christians and people of other faiths with compassion. We should expect just the same level of respect and neighborliness as we would want when we partake in our own celebrations. Although our festivals are not quite as in-your-face as the more commercialized Christian celebrations in the US and Canada, non-Muslims respect our right to worship, for the most part. 

Ibn Al Qayyim, may Allah have mercy on him, said that there is no harm in saying good things to the non-Muslims during their festivals and to supplicate for them to receive guidance (Ahkam Ahl al-Dhimmah). When we exhibit this tolerance, it is more likely to be reciprocated. The holidays should be a time of mutual understanding and kindness. We should be on our best behavior, emulating the first generations of Muslims whose tolerance led people to see the beauty of Islam. Maybe we can be the ones who bring cheer to our family members or friends and joy to the world. 

(Wendy Díaz is a Puerto Rican Muslim writer, award-winning poet, translator, and mother of six. She is the co-founder of Hablamos Islam, Inc., a non-profit organization that produces educational resources about Islam and culture in Spanish. She is also the Spanish content coordinator for the Islamic Circle of North America’s WhyIslam Project and has also written, illustrated, and published over a dozen children’s books. Díaz lives with her family in Maryland.) https://www.soundvision.com/article/preserving-our-faith-during-the-holidays-mistakes-made-lessons-learned?eType=EmailBlastContent&eId=f68071e2-2f83-4259-8514-076309c203e0)