The US Census Bureau reported that nearly 14 million senior citizens live alone. That is approximately one-third of all seniors in the US. According to a University of Michigan poll on aging during the height of Covid in June 2020, 56% of older adults reported feeling alone and isolated, which was a 27% jump from just two years prior. Although those numbers were exacerbated by the social isolation from the pandemic, seniors still report feeling isolated.
Senior isolation may be a common situation, but it is not healthy since studies show that it often leads to loneliness and depression. This is true whether the senior is an ‘early’ senior in their 50’s to an ‘older’ senior in their late 80s, 90 or 100s.
Feelings of loneliness are especially distressing for widows and widowers, who are also missing companionship which was likely long-term. A private health organization in New York specializing in providing care for America’s most vulnerable reported in their 2022 study that seniors who feel isolated often feel emotional distress, which can complicate health problems and even contribute to early mortality. The Journal of Perspectives on Psychological Science reported that isolated seniors develop unhealthy eating and exercise habits, have more stress, are more susceptible to elder abuse and scams, and experience cognitive decline.
Statistics from these types of studies are concerning and by no means exclude Muslims. Islamic law has a comprehensive plan in place to care for older Muslims, but America is not an Islamic society. Many Muslims in North America come from cultures that respect and honor senior citizens, especially family members. But we live in a world where many senior Muslims are not living with their family or may not even have family. Masjids and Islamic centers may provide older members of the community with Sadaqa (charity) or activities they can participate in. Some communities may even have programs in place to include seniors by providing rides to the Masjid or having volunteers who visit or check on them. These plans of action are based on the idea of providing human connection and companionship to older Muslims.
However, there is one form of companionship that is often overlooked - marriage.
When we look to the life example of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, we find that marrying an older person is his Sunnah. After the death of Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her), his family and Companions were looking for a way to relieve his loneliness. At the time, he was nearly 50 – middle-aged and about a decade away from being a senior citizen himself. However, the first woman he married after his 25-year marriage to Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, was Sawdah bint Zam'ah, may Allah be pleased with her, a woman older than him. There is disagreement as to whether this sister was in her early or late 50’s. But she was a widow and one of the honored Companions.
In our community today, there are individuals in their 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s who are single. Some of these Muslims may still be working or just retired. Many of these older Muslims are divorced or widowed. If they are living alone, they are likely to experience some of the mental and physical complications listed above, which can be eased by companionship.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
(Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)
In this verse from Surah al Rum, the word Sakinah, or tranquility in English means calmness and peace of mind. The clinical definition for loneliness is that it is a state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one's desires for social connection and actual experiences of it.
Since Allah instructs us that marriage provides peace of mind, then some of the more debilitating aspects of being alone as an older Muslim can be eased. The average American will retire between 62 and 64 years of age, while the life expectancy is 78 years. So, a single, divorced or widowed older Muslim who has retired could experience a decade and a half of loneliness. This is just an average because many Muslims live well past their 70s and 80s, but are considered a ‘senior’ at 60 or even 55.
We have to consider whether it is healthy or kind that older Muslims in our community live 20 years or more by themselves. This is a reality playing out before our eyes as many adult children have careers that take them away from their older parents. Periodic check ins and visits are not a complete remedy. Those who may have converted to Islam may not even have Muslim family members to rely upon. There is certainly Islamic precedence in the life example of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, for marrying someone older than ourselves, and getting remarried when older.
The Qur’an tells us that our mates are from ourselves – meaning that these mates are right here in the Muslim community.
Also, in this particular verse, we find that Allah has already given us the remedy for the ailment of loneliness. Let’s look at some of the many benefits of marrying later in life:
- Companionship, which is a mercy that offers human connection and enjoyment.
- Expansion of ties of kinship as spouses may have children or even grandchildren from previous marriages and other extended family members, thus expanding our social affinity.
- Combining of incomes, which may improve financial solvency, and in some cases, provide tax benefits.
- Spousal rights, which allow the couple to mutually protect and speak on behalf of each other in legal or health concerns, with the assurance that the best interests of both are being met.
- Problem-solving with the experience and wisdom of both partners.
- Love, as stated in the verse above – an emotion that all humans seek.
https://www.soundvision.com/article/seniors-need-companionship-too?eType=EmailBlastContent&eId=6c148320-2332-40b0-a4ff-b1b146343341
