Issues and Questions

Engagement, Poetry, and Qada' Prayers

By Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi

Q 1. I have a question regarding engagement. I am a female who has been engaged now for two years and have one more year to go before I get married. My situation is different from many other engagements because I go to the same university as my fiancé. We see each other everyday and spend most of the day together. We stay within Islamic boundaries. We do not touch or go out alone. I have a lot of criticism from other Muslims in my school that what I am doing is haram. Of course I do not want to do anything that is not within Islam. Please help me understand my situation and give me advice of what I should do and say to these Muslims who do not agree with my situation.
A 1. Engagement (khitbah in Arabic and mangni in Urdu) means that the couples and their families have agreed to get married. The marriage (nikah) has not yet taken place and they are not yet husband and wife. The engagement period could be short or long. There is no minimum limit for engagement. During the engagement period, the couples can talk to each other on phone and can also meet each other occasionally in the presence of their elders. However, they should not be alone and they should avoid any situation where they might become physically involved with each other. It is better that their personal contacts remain very formal and under supervision.
Your good Muslim friends, who disapprove your being alone with your fiancé and spending a lot of time with him, are right. You are not married to that person, so you should not be, as you said, "with him every day, spending most of the day with him." This is not being within the Islamic boundaries. It is wrong according to Islam. Also you being a good Muslimah, you are giving a wrong message to others Muslim boys and girls. Some may be misled to believe that it is all right for Muslim boys and girls to spend too much time together.
You say that you are planning to get married after graduation. But you are in the same university and you see each other every day. It is understandable that it is difficult for both of you to avoid each other. In this case, you should talk to your families and have Nikah as soon as possible. Since you are not ready to begin your family life now, you may postpone the consummation (rukhsati) of your marriage to a later date. After Nikah you will be his lawful wife and he will be your lawful husband; and then you can be together as much as you like.
Q 2. Just recently we had a discussion about poetry in Islam. The search in Imam Bukhari's collection of Hadith revealed that a Sahabi 'Amer al Akwa on the way to Khaibar recited poetry to the Muslims and the Prophet - peace be upon him - praised him. Then there are other Hadith, which project a negative attitude towards poetry. We would like to seek your explanation on this subject.
A 2. In the Qur'an, Allah says, "And the poets, it is those straying in evil who follow them. See you not that they wander distractedly in every valley? And they say what they practice not. Except those who believe, work righteousness, engage much in the remembrance of Allah and defend themselves when they are unjustly attacked. Soon the unjust assailants know what vicissitudes their affairs will take." (Al-Shu'ara' 26:224-227)
These Qur'anic verses make it very clear that there are two types of poets and two types of poetry. Some poets are believers and they use this talent for the cause of good, justice and righteousness. Their poetry is good and is praiseworthy in Islam. However, there are some other poets who misuse this talent. They themselves go astray and they also mislead others. The poetry that misleads and misinforms is a bad poetry and is condemned by Islam. As the Qur'an makes a distinction between good poetry and bad poetry, so do the Hadith and Sunnah.
The Prophet - peace be upon him - used to listen to good poetry. He encouraged Hazrat Hassan bin Thabit - may Allah be pleased with him - to say poetry in the praise of Allah, His Messenger and His religion. The Prophet - peace be upon him - also used to give reward to some poets. But the Prophet - peace be upon him - also criticized bad poetry and told us to avoid it. In Islam, there is neither a general approval of all poetry and poets, nor a general disapproval. Some poetry is acceptable and it is called "wisdom" (hikmah); while some poetry is not acceptable and it is called the work of Satan. It all depends upon the content.
Q 3. When does the salat become mandatory (fard) on a child, I mean at what age?
A 3. Parents should begin the training of their children for prayer very early. The parents, who pray regularly, their children often begin praying from the age of four or five. The Prophet - peace be upon him - told us that we should remind children to pray when they are seven years old. When they are ten years old and do not pray, then we may even discipline them and force them to pray. This shows that at the age of ten prayers become very important. However, like all other obligations of Islam, Salat also becomes obligatory upon reaching the age of adulthood (bulugh). A person who does not pray after bulugh is a sinner. The age of bulugh varies from person to person. It is the time when girls begin their menses (hayd) and boys begin wet dreams (ihtilam) or they both see the growth of hair in their armpits and underbelt.

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