Text or IM only,No Voice Calls Please!
Faiza Zia Khan
Newport Beach, CA
As of late I have been experiencing a multitude of texts from friends and family alike. I am not talking about regular text conversation but specialty texts such as an invite or a commemoration or something where I am included on a group chat soliciting advice on dates for events.
In my opinion I have observed we communicate less verbally and more via written exchanges. I do not remember the last time I actually made a social phone call and had a real conversation. My verbal phone calls these days are mostly to the cell phone companies who have excessively billed me for services not provided, online shopping support, or the health insurance companies where they almost always overcharge for dental services provided.
Texts have replaced the conventional printed invitations there sent out via US postal services or handed personally bythe hosts. I recently got invited to a wedding through a beautifully created text invitation. It was not only elegant but also an efficient way to put it on the guests radar. We are on our phones all the time so everyone saw the text invite almost immediately. The RSVPs were an instantaneous “Yes, I will attend” as this was our dear friend and we would not miss this wedding for anything in the world.
I have been invited to major life events such as baby shower/welcome baby celebrations, birthdays, bachelorettes, Eid, Christmas, New Year parties, and of course weddings or wedding-related events. I have also been invited to a funeral, a viewing, a wake, a visitation, and a post-funeral event (called soyem in our culture) via text invites. These are beautifully crafted personalized invites from SmartPhone Apps just like a printed invitation card. In all honesty, none of these invites struck me as odd or out of line. The sender made it seem so normal as we are conditioned to respond to texts (even if for a funeral) more than a voicemail or a phone call.
An acquaintance recently mentioned she received more RSVPs on her “Save the Date” via text and an evite than she did by handing out printed cards. She said mostly the responses were, “Sweetie, I probably misplaced it under a pile of books!” “What was the RSVP date again?” or “I don't remember if you actually gave me one?” However, the winner in her eyes was the friend who took a photo of her printed invite and asked Siri to put a reminder in her iPhone Calendar to respond to her by RSVP date. I quizzically looked at her while she communicated her concerns about the non-responsive guests and sought advice on how to summon the RSVPS so she could get going with the preparations, “Should I just send a follow-up text to all those who did not respond?” should she wait more, or just ignore them and move along as it is technically the guest’s responsibility to respond. I said she should remind them especially if she wants to make sure people are going to attend the wedding.
Isn’t that the whole reason for inviting people to weddings? Have them attend it and celebrate this milestone with you and your loved ones? She said she was more concerned about the head count as the wedding planner was pressuring her to give up the number of attendees. Coincidentally, the friend who had questioned whether or not the bride-to-be had actually given her the invite is a common friend of ours.
Out of curiosity I asked the non-responsive friend if she really forgot the bride gave her the printed invite? I substantiated my claim with a truthful, “I know she did as I saw your name on the guest list and I helped her sticking the labels on the printed cards/envelopes.”
The epic response I got from this friend was, “ I don't want to look so desperate to immediately say yes as soon as I receive the invite. I will do it when I get the reminder…” (which will be the second time the bride-to-be is going to ask her to come to her wedding). I thought to myself, is it just me or is my friend delusional. Is it just a SoCal vibe to behave like this? Does she not know how stand-offish and hypocritical she appears with this behavior? Where have all the social etiquettes and manners gone to? No one is that special to be chased around. And no one has the time to play games.
The bride-to-be had almost struck her off the list as a “No” when in an attempt to wave the white flag, I goaded her into saying maybe the non-responsive friend forgot about the card and to send her a reminder text just in case. Lo and behold, as soon the texts went out to the people who had not responded to the printed cards everyone came back with a “Yes, we will attend.” Desperate or not, to me personally it was an unpleasant experience to keep the hostess agonizing over the wait days after the RSVP deadline had passed. Anyone who has hosted events knows there is a lot of preparatory work behind the scenes that needs to be done before an event. It includes serious investment of time, money and resources. By leaving the host dangling and bewildered is doing a huge disservice to the social courtesy extended to the guests. I always say it only takes one person to muddy the water but everyone else bears the brunt of it.
On the flip side, texting is very impersonal and can create misunderstanding due to unintentional miscommunication. It has happened to me several times where people ask you did not respond to my text and I am flabbergasted, “what text?” I respond. To keep the purity of my statement I do open my messages and show them that I never received any.” I have made a lifelong principle to always respond to texts in a timely manner. The sender is sending the text in hopes of getting a response. Not engage in a monologue with themselves on your IM.
One of the biggest disadvantages of the iPhone is that despite the fact the message shows as delivered unless the person responds there is no way of knowing whether the message has been received or not unless the “Read” receipts are enabled. One of my friends gets a power trip by keeping people on “Read” and never responding back. Although this “Read” receipt feature could be to protect the innocent and limit harassment but it becomes a hindrance at times when misused. Also, if the phone is out of battery or turned off the IMs will not come through. The sour part is the sender does not know what ensues on the receiver’s end and whether or not they received the texts or not. A potential takeaway from this article is please do respond to texts and if you don’t want to engage in any further conversation politely let the sender know you will no longer be sending responses to their texts so consider this a final communication from you. Hopefully, life goes on as usual.
(Faiza Zia Khan holds a Master’s in Journalism degree from the University of British Columbia, Canada. She has collaborated with news media outlets including Global National and actively volunteers for several community investment projects for the Red Cross, United Way and the Breast Cancer Foundation)
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