Mr and Mrs Gen X, the Hands-on Parents
By Faiza Zia Khan
Newport Beach, CA
Millennials do not have the same relationship with their parents that Generation X parents have with their Generation Z offsprings. Is this really true?
Generation X counts for approximately 48 million people in the United States, born between the years 1965 and 1979. Meet Mr and Mrs Gen X, the hands-on parents. Each parent/child relationship is unique in its own special way but there are certain commonalities each generation has carried over the years. I personally have two Generation Z individuals living under my roof aka my children. I am a Gen X parent learning the ropes of ever evolving parenting skills and techniques in these dynamic times.
I relearned a truism that if you want to experience what is unhealed or missed out from your own childhood, go and have your own children. A psychological analogy has stood the test of time which entails decoding unconscious parental behavior that we end up doing for our children what no one did for us. We try to over-compensate by delivering our kids we felt we were not provided for emotionally, physically, financially or otherwise. Time and again I am reminded by my children, “Mom we don’t want you to be our friend. We want you to be our Mom.”
Culturally, growing up my Mom was always my Supremo Uno friend, my ultimate Go-To person. She instilled this value in me that I could come to her with anything. She is the keeper of my secrets, provide the shoulder to cry on, cook me my favorite meals, take me out a shopping spree, take long walks, watch movies with me even if she did not like that genre and comfort me in all times I felt needy and vulnerable.
To this day the relationship I enjoy with my parents is a very open one. We talk to each other without any reservations and no topic is off limits. I, on the other hand, remember long dinner table conversations with my parents about our day. Amongst the four siblings we always had lots of stories to tell and the dinner table time became a “finale” ending the day perfectly where we gathered around and had real one-on-ones with each other discussing problems, issues and exchanging stories.
If I felt life was rough, then fast forward to 2020 and imagine what pressures our kids are facing today. My kids come to me on a very need to know basis. In a family of four we struggle with balancing real time in person interactions with those over texts or social media. I have now started setting up appointments on our IPhone family calendar that we will all sit together to eat on a Sunday night or go out for brunch on a Sunday and everyone has to come. Dinner table time has eviscerated with the passage of time. It is now only on special occasions or holidays that we eat together at the same time. Everyone has their own schedule depending on school, work or activities so meal times differ. It is acceptable in present day living under the same roof we have to regiment a family gathering via a scheduled appointment.
During a massive spring cleaning spree, I had gathered old VHS tapes collecting dust in a box to take out to trash when my 16-year-old saw it and exclaimed,“Mom what are these huge cartridges?” This is when I realized my daughter does not know what the VCR/VHS technology looked like. The rapid advancement of technology has created a huge gap between us Generation X and our offsprings Generation Z. We try to keep up more than our parents ever tried to. I asked my daughter if I am considered “old people” now as I do not have a TikTok account. She went into fits of laughter. In her opinion I do not even look like her Mom, more like an older sister. The rare appearances I made in front of her friends always got “Ooh’s and Aah’s” as I did not fit the stereotypical mother type Generation Z has created in their “anime” filled heads. It made her incredibly proud but posed a slight challenge as well. What challenge was I posing? I never want to be the challenge for my children so I asked what was that I needed to do so she does not feel challenged. She said, “Mom you are a fun-mom. Moms are not supposed to be fun. They are supposed to be ones picking on us but you don’t.” As a domino affect her friends would go and tell their Moms to be a fun-mom like me which was not happening and that became a challenge. I was relieved. Expectations!
My daughter tells me in terms of providing for them the only gadget they need is their phone. Every birthday the first item on the wish list is an upgrade to a new phone. With Apple venturing out with iPhone XI, the highly touted iPhone X is already very 2019. From listening to music to doing their homework everything is at the tip of their hands via a Laptop, an iPad or a smart phone. Tesla electric cars introduced keyless entry via the Smart Phones. No more worrying about carrying bulky weighty keys on a key chain. Cards and keyless entry to hotel rooms, gyms, on a cruise ship, or your own home is the new normal.
I recently went to a hotel where the room was accessible through the phone app. Not only was the app the key to my room, I could switch off/on lights, heating, choose the channels on the television, order room service and check out directly from the phone. No need to talk to anyone. Isn’t that the utopian ideal we are headed towards – no human communication.
(Faiza Zia Khan holds a Master’s in Journalism degree from the University of British Columbia, Canada. She has collaborated with news media outlets including Global National and actively volunteers for several community investment projects for the Red Cross, United Way and the Breast Cancer Foundation)
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