Musings of a Wandering Mind
Curing the Social Disease of Peer Pressure
By Faiza Zia Khan
Newport Beach, CA
Recently an incident was brought to my attention by a distraught mother in regards to a group of teenagers who walked out of a high-end branded boutique style store without paying for merchandise they had picked. When apprehended they all had a similar response, “I was pressured into doing this as a dare.”
Due to the fact that they were underage minors and the items they had allegedly shoplifted were trivial in value, the loss management department at the store decided not to get caught up in legalese and dropped the matter without any charges. A miracle happened for these teens or call it their lucky day that they went home safe to sleep in the comfort of their warm beds.
I have heard discussions of similar nature echoing in our circles. In my opinion this is emblematic of a deep-rooted issue inherent in our society surpassing racial and cultural boundaries. I would like to focus on our own South Asian community as we fight a multi-faceted battle on many fronts living in America. Foremost, let me dispel the myths surrounding peer pressure- it is not as bad as most parents think! Parents, please do not lay awake at night stressing about what other kids will force my kids to do that they have been taught to not do.
Peer pressure especially for teens has been compartmentalized mostly around alcoholism, drugs, sex, smoking, shoplifting or larceny. In reality, this is not exactly how peer pressure works. This is what media teaches us, wiring our brains to continuously lecture our kids on the hazards of these ailments, but in doing so we lose sight of the larger picture.
On a macro level the issue is systemic and inherent in the core of our existence. I vividly reflect on the time when my seven-year-old in elementary school innocently requested to buy "Pocky sticks" for her lunches as a few girls in her group were having it and she felt left out. In that instant I was alarmed as not knowing what Pocky is made my skin crawl. I went on an adventure of discovery. For those naive as I was in the realization of what Pocky is, let me tell you it is a snack, actually cookies coated with chocolate, strawberry or other flavors, shaped like a stick by a Japanese food company Ezaki Glico, and marketed in North America to young kids as the next best thing since sliced bread. This is when I got an inkling of how peer pressure clawed its way into our homes. I decided to nip this social evil in the bud. I purchased all the Pocky I could find in the grocery stores to cater to my child’s whims. As I packed her lunch for the next few weeks, I found a golden gate of opportunity to start addressing how to first - identify, and second - stop herself from getting sucked into this black hole of peer pressure. Later on, in her teenage years she told me why she felt compelled to ask for Pocky and it is what we now know as the phenomenon of "Fear of Missing Out" (FOMO)!
Retrospectively, the term was first coined in 1996 when Dr Dan Herman, a marketing strategist published the first academic paper on the topic, but was popularized in 2004 by Patrick J. McGinnis to be contextualized the way it is used today. FOMO is not applicable to a certain demographic. Anyone, anywhere, can experience FOMO. FOMO induces feelings of inexplicable anxiety amongst peers that: I will not be included, I will not be considered cool, I will be looked down upon, or no one will want to associate with me. Usually this is how peer pressure starts building around us - with just this basic need of feeling included, and to satisfy this feeling we test boundaries of pushing any limits.
Culturally, we are bound by certain rules, requirements and traditions that technically do not allow us to integrate into the abyss of the proverbial "Westernized culture," but we must try our best to harmonize with everyday life. Our fifth/sixth generations live in this country and this is their normal. They do not know life outside of America unless they themselves made efforts to travel or were handed down traditions from their elders. Minimal exposure to traditions and lack of engagement amongst families has distanced us from our culture. Family structures have changed dramatically over the past decades. The nuclear household consisting of working parents and one or two children is the standard. Absence of grandparents, uncles, aunts or other relatives living in close proximity is unheard of. Familial obligations and expectations are different to what they were before.
Some parents have taken extreme measures from homeschooling their children to choose schools with a religious focus to keep their brood protected from peer pressure. I feel that in doing so they have done more damage than good. Unintentionally, they have created a recluse who now no longer knows how to identify peer pressure, let alone handle it. The best way to combat peer pressure is to equip our kids to be brimming with confidence in their individuality, in who they are, to stand up for what they believe in, and to try their best to not get caught up in situations where they have to compromise on the values we have painfully inculcated in them. Possibly these are some of the avenues we can venture towards for curing this social ailment.
(Faiza Zia Khan holds a Master’s in Journalism degree from the University of British Columbia, Canada. She has collaborated with news media outlets including Global National and actively volunteers for several community investment projects for the Red Cross, United Way and the Breast Cancer Foundation)
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