Raising Children with Faith in the Digital Age
By Dr Shahid Athar
Carmel, Indiana
After the massacres in Charleston, and before that the killing in Boston, Newtown and Columbine, I asked myself, “Are we raising our children and youth with values and faith and with love for the sanctity of life?”
One of the most precious gifts that Allah has given us is the gift of our children. Like any other valuable gift, this gift too has to be cherished, protected and preserved. We parents try our best to raise them as children of faith. In a society where sometimes secular schools and media trivialize religion, it is not easy for parents to do so these days.
We parents must recognize the pressures that our children are exposed to. The statistics are grim. A child watching only 2-3 hours of television daily ends up watching 9,000 violent and 3,000 sexually suggestive scenes annually. By the senior year in high school, one out of every twenty students has been drinking alcohol regularly. Nearly half of teens who commit suicide, were on drugs or depressed at the time. Nearly every teen that had an accident as a passenger had a teenage driver who was intoxicated with alcohol. Ninety-three percent of children in grades 4-5 consider cocaine as a drug but only twenty-one percent of the same age group say alcohol is a drug.
It may not be possible in this day and age to get rid of television, but we can help children select programs that are conducive to their growth in faith and values. In the same context, the internet and social media may be tools of learning and information but they can also be used to give wrong messages. Sex predators and drug dealers can lure children and extremists can brainwash them to join extremist groups. It is not enough just to tell the youth what they shouldn’t do but we must give convincing reasoning about right and wrong from the faith prospective. Since nowadays everyone at dinner table is busy with their I pad and I phone, we should revive the old fashioned family conversation at the dinner table.
Islam can equip children with values dear to our hearts. What is good for us as adults is also good for our children and grandchildren. We should teach our children the sanctity of human life and hate for violence. From the very beginning, they should be taught to respect others who look differently from themselves. They should be taught tools to control their anger when provoked and to remain calm. The tools of expression of anger like guns should be avoided. We should help our children grow in peace and love, as model citizens. They should love their faith, but also respect faith of others. Not only should they love their country but love all fellow humans irrespective of differences in race, color, gender, or religion.
We must set examples for our children for the rules that we want them to follow. A certain woman took her son to Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) and requested him to tell the child not to eat too many sweets because she was afraid they would ruin his health and teeth. The Prophet asked her to bring him back after one week and she did. Then he told the child about the dangers of taking too many sweets and the boy understood and made a promise not to eat them. The companions of the Prophet asked after the mother and child left, why he waited one week to advise the child. He replied, “I wanted to practice giving up sweets myself first”.
Before we ask our youth to give up TV for a week, can we do the same ourselves? Parents buy their children expensive clothes, shoes, toys and electronic gadgets. However, the best gift is the gift of good manners. Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) has said, “A father teaching his child good manners is better than giving a bushel of grain in charity.” We parents have no control with whom our children socialize in school but we can create a better Islamic environment for them after school hours. Islam can also empower children with their rights. They have a right to learn and practice their faith even if one of their parents is not practicing it. They have a right to receive love, care, discipline and care from their parents but they must give the parents the same rights as well.
Parents have a right to know about their children and the factors which influence them. The rights of Allah are above the rights of parents and children. Allah, who created us, has a right to be worshiped, to be believed in and to have His injunctions followed. The Qur'an tells us, “Your Lord has commanded that you worship no one but Him and be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age, do not say a word of contempt nor repulse them but speak to them with kindness and honor and lower to them your wings of submission and say, "My Lord have mercy on them as they cared for me when I was an infant' ” (17:23-24).
If both parents and children submit to the will of Allah, there will be love and peace in the family. Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) has advised parents the rule of 7: play with your children for first seven years, teach them manners and knowledge for next seven years, then be their friend and advisor”. Allah has given us our children as a gift and we are the trustees of this gift. (The author is a physician in Carmel Indiana)
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