Siasat.com
In Search of Matches Made in Heaven
By Faiza Zia Khan
Newport Beach, CA
A kind Auntie requested that I write about the perils of online match-making that is becoming extremely popular in our culture. I told her the general opinion that it is not a safe way of meeting people, but there have been some successes so how can I simply condemn it. I was unsure what exactly was it that she wanted me to address.
She purported she wanted to create awareness about a personal experience that transpired with her own daughter that matches are not always made in Heaven. I decided to hear out her story with every intention of a polite decline at the end of our conversation.
Auntie told me her daughter’s husband had “ghosted” their marriage. I exclaimed, “Auntie, ghosting is a present day online dating term where a boyfriend/girlfriend cuts off all communication with the other. Ghosting does not apply in a legal marriage?” Once she started narrating this horrific tale, “ghosting” was the appropriate term indeed.
“A real life Pakistani couple in dire straits as the husband ghosts his wife!” would have been the appropriate title for this story had it appeared in a tabloid. But this was much deeper than that. Ghosting is an online dating term for people in a casual relationship via social media sites/apps cutting-off all communication suddenly to disappear from the other person’s life like a ghost.
The story I heard is a shocking saga of how this nice family was swindled and preyed upon through a phony marriage scam. Auntie’s daughter worked as an ultra-sonographer at a private Los Angeles Hospital with a lucrative paycheck. Her daughter seemed to be a heavy set slightly shorter girl from the photos she showed me on her phone. She is 34 years old now, I was told. After many failed attempts to get her a suitable match when she hit 30, a family relative suggested to create a profile on match-making websites exclusively for South Asians. Auntie and her family believed a Pakistani “Damaad” (son-in-law) would be the answer to their woes. Once the online profile was created by the help of a close friend, a very good looking man (as seen on his profile photo) starting communicating with her daughter via the website. As they both became comfortable they exchanged phone numbers and were on FaceTime 24/7. Next they mutually decided to meet. A Starbucks meeting came about and her daughter’s friend observed them from a distance for safety measures. It was so gleefully perfect. This extremely good-looking Doctor’s heart was set on this plain looking heavy set but professionally adept girl from a wealthy business family, who owned her own condominium. He was keen to move forward, meet the parents, get their blessings for marriage so the couple could get their happily ever after. Auntie immediately told her daughter to invite him over so the family could meet him.
The potential groom claimed to be an MD Doctor who just recently transferred from an East Coast Hospital (allegedly somewhere in New Jersey) to complete the final year of his residency with a permanent job offer in California. He seemed to be genuinely interested in their daughter and demonstrated all religious and cultural attributes fit for a Pakistani Damaad.
There were no demands of dowry or a lavish wedding and the guy was simple and unassuming in nature. Auntie had already secretly decided she was going to lay limitless treasures at her daughter’s feet. The groom said his parents were aging so will not be able to attend the California ceremonies but will FaceTime to ask Auntie for her daughter’s hand formally. Auntie said she FaceTimed with the parents and other family members several times during the whole process. She did not suspect anything.
Seemingly, the mother was in a wheel chair while the Dad was frail and of ill health. However, the groom said his three friends from Medical School will attend the wedding. Auntie said this was the first time her husband told her privately he saw a red flag that something was not right. The whole family was caught up in this frenzy called wedding preparations. They set aside this feeling as “NAZAR” and went full steam ahead with the wedding. A month later her daughter was married in a lavish wedding ceremony with festivities lasting a week. The guy only had one friend attend while the other two could not make it, he said. The plan was to take his new bride back to New Jersey after a few months and have a grand Valima (post-wedding reception) to announce the union to his family.
The new groom moved into the girl’s condo furnished with brand new furniture, electronics and any luxurious item Auntie could lay her hands on. Three months into the marriage the daughter announced her pregnancy, they were excited to start a family immediately. Over the Thanksgiving weekend the groom told Auntie’s daughter his father was ill and he had to go to the East Coast for a quick visit. Due to her condition she should go and stay with her parents.
The unsuspecting girl floating in newly wedded bliss was dropped off at her parents’ house. Auntie sent him off with duas and prayers. She says the last text her daughter ever received from the guy was, “At the airport. Talk later!” The week after Thanksgiving came and went, then a month - there was no word from the guy. Her daughter tried to contact him several times but the phone kept going to voicemail and then the disconnected number message started. The pregnant girl was in hysterics and so was the entire family. She put a brave face on and decided to go back to her apartment to walk into an almost empty apartment. The only things left were the couch, the dining set, and the bed. Even the appliances were ripped out from the kitchen. He took all the money, the jewelry, all household items, including the gifts given at the wedding. The joint bank account was emptied out and the secondary credit card she had issued for him was maxed out.
All phone numbers for the entire family were disconnected. Auntie’s daughter ended up in the hospital due to a severe panic attack and miscarried the pregnancy. They went to the local police and then to a lawyer but were told they were victims of a swindling scam. A case was filed but the police told them all the documents provided were fake, even the Medical license. They entered the groom’s photos for facial recognition, but the police said it was very rare anyone got caught or was charged as they altered appearances drastically for each con-job they embarked upon. It was indeed a case of “ghosting a marriage,” as dubbed by the Police officials. The entire family tried to piece their life together but her daughter’s life was in shambles.
Auntie wants this story to be a cautionary tale for all those seeking suitable matches for their children. May countless blessings and warmest of wishes be with you all!
(Faiza Zia Khan holds a Master’s in Journalism degree from the University of British Columbia, Canada. She has collaborated with news media outlets including Global National and actively volunteers for several community investment projects for the Red Cross, United Way and the Breast Cancer Foundation)
