Start with Nurturing a Love for Allah
By Umm Ahmed
UAE
While many Muslim parents agree that becoming a parent is a privilege and a blessing from Allah, they also concur that it is one of the most challenging, unpredictable, and complex responsibilities that they are entitled to partake. And thus, it comes as no surprise to see even the finest amongst us struggling at the thought of living up to the obligation of parenthood in line with Islamic guidance.
The truth is, from the moment we step into parenthood, the jittery feeling of uncertainty compels us to conceive and envisage a beautiful portrait of a submissive child. From there, we begin to domineer our children. This tendency is bolstered by pressuring and overburdening them, by setting the bar of expectations too high. In reality, this severity is much too often backed by deep-rooted practices in the way we were brought up as children, ourselves.
When children are young, they are easier to mold, therefore parents like to make optimum use of their early childhood years to impose their personal preferences - likes and dislikes - without much care about what the child is interested in. They overlook the fact that children are unique and have their own identities, which deserve to be respected and acknowledged in order to promote their holistic development.
So, when it comes to nurturing a love for Allah, some parents take advantage of their children's naiveté and use the emotion of fear to control their children's responses and behaviors into submission towards Allah. They forget that a child's brain does not process things in a manner similar to an adult's brain. Children are at that stage where their conscious mind is still trying to develop a sense of active imagination based on their analogy of reality and make-believe. When it comes to teaching about Allah, these parents often introduce and reinforce Allah’s characteristics in a punitive way during the most critical time of their developmental life. But when Allah’s loving characteristics are replaced with fearful ones by the parent, it is harmful to a child’s spiritual and emotional development and can lead to long-term consequences. This strong fear can also develop in other ways as the child becomes an adult where other emotional issues may manifest.
How to Instill a Love for Allah
Here are eight ways we can instill a love for Allah (SWT) in the hearts of our children from a young age, without having to rely on the emotions of fear.
1. Know Allah’s Names and Attributes
Before we delve into the nitty-gritties of Islam and overwhelm our children with information about submissiveness towards our Creator, why not begin with inculcating a love for Him in their young hearts. This is already a part of our innate nature and needs only a gentle nudging.
Allah's Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
"Every child is born on Al-Fitrah - true faith of Islamic monotheism (i.e., to worship none but Allah alone) but his parents convert him to Judaism, Christianity or Magianism, as an animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you find it mutilated?" (Sahi al-Bukhari)
This goes on to prove that the love for Allah is already there in the hearts, it only needs to be nurtured through His remembrance. What better way than to call upon Him with His beautiful names. And then, there is a great reward in it, too. The Qur’an mentions, “And to Allah belong the best names, so invoke Him by them" (Surah Al-A’raf 7:180).
With plentiful resources available online, parents can work with their children towards learning Allah's names and attributes, starting with the most common and lovable ones such as Ar-Rahman - The Most Merciful; Al- Wadood - The Most Loving; Al- Khaliq - The Creator of All Things. Here is a great resource for a list of the Asma al-Husna (99 Names of Allah) with in-depth references and online resources .
2. Remind them that Allah loves them.
“Allah divided Mercy into one hundred parts. He kept ninety-nine parts with Him and sent down one part to the earth, and because of that (it’s one single part), His Creations are merciful to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby animal, lest it should trample on it.” (Sahi al-Bukhari)
In conjunction with this ideology, make the phrase, "See, Allah loves you!" the most commonly used phrase in your household. The benefits that it can help bring about in terms of inculcating a love for Allah in the hearts are tremendous. For example, when your child gets excited about something, like an unexpected treat or an achievement, express your happiness and tell them that "it is all because of Allah's mercy and endless love, that He chose these blessings for you.”
We can also use the seerah of our Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, as a teaching mechanism in the same manner. According to a well-known story, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was walking with his companions when he saw a mother bird with her babies in a nest. The mother bird was feeding her little ones some worms. So tender and gentle were her actions, that the companions were awe-struck at this display of love. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, smiled and said: "Are you surprised at the love this mother bird has for her babies? Let me inform you that Allah loves His creatures, the human beings, seventy times more than this mother!"
Although it may be challenging to use it during the advent of not-so-joyous moments, such as when the child gets hurt, it can definitely be used as a way of showing Allah's mercy in protecting them from a greater calamity, by making them understand how He is the All-Knowing and All-Wise.
3. Look for teachable moments.
“Verily! In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, there are indeed signs for men of understanding. Those who remember Allah (always, and in prayers) standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and think deeply about the creation of the heavens and the earth, (saying): ‘Our Lord! You have not created (all) this without purpose, glory to You! (Exalted be You above all that they associate with You as partners). Give us salvation from the torment of the Fire.’” (Surah al-Imran 3:190-191)
The importance of contemplating over the signs of Allah is invaluable. Seeking opportunities to notice the signs and blessings bestowed upon us by our Creator and saying Alhumdulillah - all praise be to Allah - is a sure way of sowing the seed for acknowledging His bountiful love and affection for us.
We must try and make a conscious effort to stimulate our children's minds into reflecting about Allah’s existence, creativity, thoughtfulness, and mercy. This is way simpler than we imagine and can be undertaken as part of everyday tasks and conversations. Some great conversation starters can be the weather when out and about in the car, pondering over food while getting groceries or at mealtimes, reflecting on Allah's creativity and the complexity of His creations when stepping out into nature. Creating a dialogue where your child will automatically attribute Allah as The Fashioner and The Sustainer will surely help nurture feelings of gratitude towards Him.
4. Talk about tangible rewards.
Even in the normal course of our lives, we tend to use the reward system to reinforce positive behavior. There can be challenges with rewards, too, but it definitely helps younger children establish a positive association with the desired outcome.
Parents can make use of this strategy to showcase the love of Allah for them by highlighting the rewards which He has promised us. You may want to include a few of these:
- Allah’s promise for his righteous people to enter Jannah or Paradise (from here you could then elaborate on its beauty and magnificence as mentioned in the Qur’an)
- Allah’s promise to multiply rizq or provisions in various forms for those who spend in His way and indulge in any form of charity.
- Allah’s mercy and blessings for those who simply turn to Him and ask Him for any and everything.
One must also not overlook the opportunities for rewarding and celebrating the milestones in their children’s lives, when they do make the efforts towards recognizing Allah and His love by indulging in doing good deeds. For instance, when they begin a new chapter from the Qur’an, when they memorize the Qur’an or even a portion of it (to keep them motivated), when they fast for the first time or learn to pray. This way, as you make their Islamic achievements memorable, you will naturally instill an understanding of acceptable and unacceptable practices, and help them cultivate a loving and long-lasting love and respect for Allah and the guidance He provides.
5. Develop a sense of taqwa.
Islam is a religion that is perfect in all aspects of maintaining balance. It is neither harsh nor lenient. That said, parents are advised to reinforce that balance by not making Islam solely about strictness and discipline, but rather by setting healthy boundaries according to the child's age. This is about developing taqwah or God-consciousness. Again, this has to be done strategically so as not to focus on restrictions that instill feelings of resentment toward “rules” and toward Allah. Remember the goal is to have our children feel Allah’s presence and respect His guidance in everything we do.
6. Be receptive.
It is our job as parents to create a safe environment for our children, one where they feel that they are heard, understood, and can share anything without holding that fear of opening up. In other words, creating and promoting a platform for safe communication via active listening. This can work wonders in allowing them to understand Allah’s mercy when they make mistakes. Remember, parents hold the power to make or break the situation! (For some great tips on improving your listening skills, check out this article entitled The Listening Parent: Opening the Doors of Communication .
7. Lead by example.
This may require some time and effort, in unlearning some of those deep-rooted thoughts and practices (as discussed in the intro). It is imperative that we, as parents, understand and acknowledge Allah’s love for us, before we go on to teach our children and start expecting them to accept it. The best way to go about it is to practice gratitude at a personal level and then stimulate it in the household environment.
8. Establish a supportive community.
“It takes a village to raise a child.”
As Muslims, we all need to be conscious of the saying above and not restrict our local masjids as a place reserved for worship by the elderly alone. By practicing tolerance and displaying love and affection towards our future generations, together we can help nurture the love for Allah into the hearts and minds of our children.
It also serves as an important reminder here that it is not only the places of worship like local masjids that we need to look up to, for support. We can model positive practices such as tolerance, an attitude for gratitude, and a show of conformity and submissiveness towards Allah by way of connecting in a greater way through educational institutions and associating with other Muslim families and friends.
In the end, you don’t need to tell your children to love Allah, you just need to show them the endless reasons to love Him. This will automatically help translate an understanding for performing rituals like prayer and fasting when it is the right time for them.
(Umm Ahmed is an early childhood educator and writer who is passionate about seeking knowledge and passing it onto others. She and her husband are parents to three boys and are currently living in Abu Dhabi.)
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