In marriage, both partners share responsibilities. Realistic expectations involve acknowledging that while roles may differ, both partners should contribute to the partnership’s overall well-being
Having Realistic Expectations about Marriage
By Miriam Mohamed
Marriage is not merely a legal contract but a profound bond rooted in mutual respect, and compassion. The Holy Qur’an and Hadith of the Prophet Muhammed, peace and blessings be upon him, offer guidance on fostering a healthy and fulfilling marital relationship, emphasizing the importance of realistic expectations. Understanding these principles can help couples navigate the complexities of marriage while nurturing a harmonious and lasting partnership.
The Quran provides a comprehensive framework for understanding the nature of marriage and the expectations within it. One of the key verses that illuminate the essence of marital relationships is:"And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought."
(Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)
This verse underscores that marriage is designed to be a source of tranquility and emotional fulfillment. It highlights the concepts of affection and mercy as foundational to the marital relationship. Thus, one should have realistic expectations that marriage will provide emotional support and mutual care, but it also requires effort and understanding.
The Qur’an also presents marriage as a source of tranquility and mutual support. One illuminating verse is: "They are garments for you and you are garments for them."
(Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:187)
This metaphor of spouses being "garments" for one another signifies the profound sense of protection, comfort, and intimacy that should characterize a marital relationship. Just as clothing covers and shields the body, spouses are meant to provide emotional and psychological support to each other. This verse underscores that realistic expectations in marriage include a mutual commitment to protect and comfort one another, reinforcing the importance of empathy and care.
The Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, further enriches our understanding of marital expectations. One notable Hadith as reported by Abu Hurayra, may Allah be pleased with him:
"The best of you are those who are best to their women."
(Tirmidhi)
This Hadith emphasizes the importance of kindness, respect, and good treatment toward one’s spouse. It serves as a reminder that successful marriages are built on the principles of compassion and mutual respect. Realistic expectations in marriage involve recognizing that both partners must strive to embody these virtues, even when faced with challenges. Building on this foundation of mutual respect, it becomes crucial to understand that marriage also requires the following:
Mutual Respect and Understanding : Marriage requires both partners to respect each other’s individuality and perspectives. While the Qur’an speaks of finding tranquility in one's spouse, it is also important to understand that differences will arise. Realistic expectations involve accepting and navigating these differences with patience and respect.
Effective Communication: Clear and open communication is vital for resolving conflicts and expressing needs. Expecting flawless communication may be unrealistic, but striving for honest and empathetic dialogue aligns with the Prophet’s teaching of good treatment.
Shared Responsibility: In marriage, both partners share responsibilities. Realistic expectations involve acknowledging that while roles may differ, both partners should contribute to the partnership’s overall well-being.
Growth and Adaptation: Marriage is a journey of growth and adaptation. The Qur’anic concept of affection and mercy implies that couples should support each other’s growth and adapt to changing circumstances together. Unrealistic expectations of a static or idealized relationship can lead to dissatisfaction.
Forgiveness and Patience: Imperfections are natural in any relationship. Realistic expectations involve understanding that conflicts are part of the journey and should be addressed with empathy and a willingness to forgive.
Realistic expectations in marriage are grounded in the principles of mutual respect, and compassion. The Qur’an and Hadith guide us to approach marriage with the understanding that it is a dynamic relationship requiring effort and commitment from both partners. By embracing these principles, couples can build a strong and enduring marriage that reflects the true essence of Islamic teachings.
(Miriam Mohamed is a mother to seven children and a granny to two cats! She loves trying new things and learning cool facts. She has taught in an Islamic school setting, has experience assisting children with special needs, and enjoys volunteering and being a part of the community. Miriam lives in Chicago with her beautiful flowering cherry tree and big family.
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