Arranged
Marriages
By Danya Akbar
Los Angeles, CA
“I’m
going to have an arranged marriage.” This
phrase seems to be considered a death sentence
among Americans and most people faint of despair
and anguish before one can even explain oneself
to them.
Contrary to popular belief, arranged marriages
are NOT forced marriages, in which the parents
choose the spouse of their child without his or
her consent. Rather, arranged marriages allow
the children to choose their spouse from a variety
of people who are compatible to them in terms
of background, religion, status, career, interests,
and values, which allow two people to have common
ground on the basis of which they may get better
acquainted, and possibly get married.
Okay, so you’re a liberal, open-minded person,
and you are keeping your eyes open for the perfect
mate. Be prepared to look hard! The last census
put the world population at 6.5 billion people.
That’s right, BILLION! And, how many countries
are in the world, again? One hundred-and-ninety-four.
You can calculate the probability of you finding
your soul mate on your own.
Now, why do so many people log onto dating websites
and chat rooms to find people to marry? Why would
any of us have to do this when we have our own
shaadi.com embedded into the hardware of our parents
and relatives? Herein lies the convenience of
the arranged marriage; there are numbers of suitors
one can choose from, and none of the expectations
and complications of dating are attached to it!
In the modern era, arranged marriages put the
preference of the child first and foremost. If
a suitor is not found at first, the child will
not be forced to marry until he or she wishes
(in most cases.) You can choose a compatible person
(who has already been deemed compatible by your
parents) and get to know him or her over the home
or via email. After corresponding and really getting
to know each other, you can seal the deal by getting
engaged.
Of course, nobody wants to get married to a complete
stranger, so the correspondence will be a lengthy
period. This period may be termed as dating, but
only “desi dating,” in which the couple
does not go out alone or unsupervised, and in
which nothing inappropriate or improper should
occur. This leads to a long-lasting relationship
and a healthy marriage, in which the two people
know each other well before getting married.
There are many reasons why arranged marriages
are beneficial. First, the two people have a lot
in common because of the careful selection process
through which suitors are put through, thus allowing
the families and the child to be content. Because
of this high degree of compatibility, the divorce
rate in arranged marriages is very low. Also,
arranged marriages often occur between families
who already know each other, and this allows the
families to interact with each other smoothly
after the marriage. If the families had not known
each other before their children met, the meeting
of the families would allow them to interact and
understand each other, during the corresponding
period, which would also minimize in-law problems
in the future.
Arranged marriages are therefore not forced, are
not only for the benefit of the parents or other
things, but are essentially for the two people
who are being joined in matrimony. If things do
not work out, one must do what is best for him
or her to be happy in life.
The arrangement of marriages by parents and relatives
is a tool to help people find the person who will
be most suitable as a spouse, from every aspect
and view.
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