Tolerance of Being Wronged
By Dr. Prof. Mohammad Ahmed Qadri
Islamic Educational and Cultural Research Center
California

(Continued from last week)
The other realm where tolerance comes into play is when one is wronged by another. If a person is wronged, he or she has five options:

Retaliate in a greater intensity than what was inflicted upon him/her: This is reminiscent of the days of ignorance and is completely prohibited in Islam. For example, someone slaps someone and they turn around and break the other person’s bones.
Seek retribution in the intensity that was inflicted upon them: Although this is allowed, it comes with very strict guidelines and is at the lowest level. This is the concept of an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.
Tolerate the wrong action with patience: This is where one ignores, overlooks, and bears the pain of being wronged and is the first stage towards fostering peace in society.
Forgive the wrongdoer: This is the second stage where the person wronged forgives the wrongdoer and harbors no grudges against that person.
Respond to the wrong action with goodness: This is the highest level, which is explained in spiritual metaphors like the fruit laden tree, that when it is beaten (i.e. shaken) it responds by giving fruit. This is the behavior that was always exemplified in the life of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and what Muslims are always urged to do. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “I was raised amongst you to perfect your character.”

The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) practically illustrated the concepts of forgiveness and overlooking known as ‘afw (tolerance) in the Arabic language, and responding to evil with good. If one has been oppressed or received an injury from someone or has been backbitten or one’s family has been hurt or has been caused some type of physical or mental pain, but despite all these, the person chooses to rise to the high human moral ground and practice good manners and keeping ethics in the forefront, dismisses all the pain and for the contentment of Allah Almighty, forgives that person, such an action is called tolerance.
If one studies the life of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), one will realize that the Holy Prophet’s (peace and blessings be upon him) entire life was spent teaching that one must never take revenge against anyone, never call anyone bad, never transgress anyone's rights, and never oppress anyone. If one studies the Holy Qur’an, it is very clear that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the teachings of the Qur’an have fostered a society of tolerance, forgiveness and returning evil with good.
The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was a consummate exemplar of this philosophy. His life is recorded in the history books to reflect upon and emulate. If one studies these books, one will realize that despite all the tremendous hardships and resistance that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was faced with by family and others, he always displayed the highest moral ground of returning evil with good, which is what eventually won the hearts of the resisters. It is narrated in the books of Islamic Seerah (i.e. the life of the Holy Prophet - peace and blessings be upon him) that there was a Jewish neighbor of the Holy Prophet who out of her ignorance, used to throw foul things on the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) everyday. Far from retaliating, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) bore her actions with patience and forgave her. Then, one day she did not commit this action. A few days went by in this way. The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), worried, went to this lady’s house and found her ill in bed, and asked about her health. She was so moved and touched by the Holy Prophet’s (peace and blessings be upon him) kindness that she declared: “There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.”
The history books detail the treatment of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) by the community in Mecca when they were brought the blessing of the message of Islam. In the early years, majority of the Meccans were against the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). They inflicted much pain, performed numerous open transgressions and oppressions against the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the Companions (known as Sahaba, i.e. those early Muslims who saw the Holy Prophet - peace and blessings be upon him). They had been boycotted to the point that no one was allowed to trade with them and hunger reached such heights that the early Muslims had to tie stones to their stomachs to suppress the pangs of hunger. When the early Muslims went to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and showed they had tied one stone to their stomach, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) showed them the two stones tied to the his (peace and blessings be upon him) blessed stomach, teaching them the patience and forbearance that is needed whenever one is engaged in doing what is right.
The atrocities of the rejecters of the message of Islam reached their heights when they exiled the Muslims out of the Holy Prophet’s (peace and blessings be upon him) birth town, Mecca. However, when the tides turned and the Muslims were granted clear victory over those who didn’t accept the message, and returned to Mecca (recorded in the history books at Fath Mecca), during their entry into the blessed city, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and His Companions did not display any signs of revenge. No one was killed, no transgressions were committed, no women or children were harmed, no old enmities surfaced. Instead, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) announced a general amnesty in Mecca. It is important to keep in mind that the atrocities and transgressions that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the Sahaba had been subjected to by the disbelievers of this city were not trivial. They harmed the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) during prayer, threw foul things, placed false accusations, and eventually the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) left the city of Mecca. However, when the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) came back to Mecca, the magnanimity displayed at this momentous and historic juncture of tolerance and forgiveness by the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is a shining example in history for the modern world to learn from and implement, if we are to resolve some of the rife that plagues our societies today.
Another heart moving example of the Holy Prophet’s (peace and blessings be upon him) tolerance, forgiveness, and returning evil with good was the incident at Taif where the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) attempted to take refuge when the Meccans had impudently exiled the Muslims. Far from providing refuge, the inhabitants of Taif treated the Best of creation (peace and blessings be upon him) in an even worse manner, setting their young boys to throw stones. The Holy Prophet’s (peace and blessings be upon him) blessed feet were injured to the point that the blessed sandals were filled with blood and the blessed skin was separating with it. At this point, the angel Gabriel (peace be upon him) came to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) saying that he could crush these people if the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) so commanded. However, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) having the full power and authority to make that happen, instead, chose to forgive these transgressors and said, “I sense the fragrance of belief from their generations.” And the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) prayed for them.
This is why it is said in the Holy Qur’an:
“Forgive the mistakes of people and adopt the trait of overlooking.”
In other words, if someone has transgressed against one’s rights, or oppressed one, or committed a bad deed against one, then the high moral ground is to ignore these and not hold any hatred or grudge against them and then talk well with them. The reason for this is that if one harbors bad feelings against that person, or has the desire to take revenge, then by nature, hatred gives birth to hatred. Islam has provided a single method to eliminate hatred: forgive one another, do not take revenge, and display kindness amongst Muslims, as well as members of other faiths and communities, be that you are living in those societies or that they are your neighbor. Whenever you think of them, think well of them. In Islam, the neighbor has immense rights. Islam teaches that:
“The person from whose evil a neighbor is not safe, such a person is not a Muslim, whether he is a disbeliever or a believer.” —Kanzut-Talibeen
It is narrated from Hazrat Ibn-e-Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

“One must tolerate the mistakes of other people 70 times everyday.” —Abu Dawood/Tirmizi

No matter where the Muslim reside they must keep the message of Islam in their mind and reflect that that the Holy Prophet’s (peace and blessings be upon him) entire life’s philosophy was that of forgiveness and overlooking and this is the reason that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has said in the blessed Hadeeth (saying of the Holy Prophet - peace and blessings be upon him) that:
“The Merciful has mercy on the merciful. O people! Have mercy on the people on the earth and the Merciful of the skies will have mercy on you.”
If this Hadeeth is studied, it is clear that the ones who are living in society, whether they are relatives or acquaintances, or strangers, Muslims or not, it is incumbent upon one to present oneself to them with kindness, and to have a gentle demeanor with people, and not be harsh. If one has the authority and ability to take revenge against someone, one must forgo that power. Instead one must say, “You have transgressed. I forgive you in the Name of Allah Almighty and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him).” This is an immense message and action that once someone starts this practice of kindness, mercy, affection, and forgiveness, a balance or power is established in the society. People are impressed by one’s character. Good manners are not that one transgresses against people and coerces them into being on one’s side. Good manners are that without oppression and transgression one deals with others with mercy and affection. This is the message of the Holy Qur’an. It is narrated from Hazrat Rafi bin Khays (may Allah be pleased with him) that:
“Dealing with good manners is a source of blessings and dealing with bad manners is a source for lack of them.”
And it must be kept in mind that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has always emphasized to bring people as close to one another as possible, and to not pay attention to their harshness and bad qualities. The noble Hadeeth says:
“The person who has been granted gentleness he has been granted a large portion of the blessings of this world and the next. And the one who has been barred from the quality of mercy, he has been barred from the goodness of both worlds.”
These actions will be accepted as good deeds in the Hereafter as well. From amongst the good deeds that a person does, the greatest good deed is, not exercising the power of revenge, despite possessing the complete ability to do so, purely for the contentment of Allah Almighty. One must think that all the people of the world are our own and are the children of Adam (peace be upon him) and that one must not take revenge against anyone but must deal with all with forgiveness and overlooking. This is the message of Islam and the success of this life and the Hereafter.
Next week - Part 3: The Modern Muslim Paradox and Conclusion

------------------------------------------------------------------------------