Anger Management: An Islamic Perspective
By Dr. Shahid Athar
Indianapolis
When God created humans, He created many emotions and desires within them which we call human instincts. These include positive qualities such as recognizing truth and expressing it, love and compassion, pure physiological desires such as being thirsty, hungry and in need of sex. Then there are some negative qualities such as hate and anger, with resultant violence and dejection. The angels who were the witnesses to Adam's creation knew about some of the negative qualities of man and questioned the creation of this new being who was to create "mischief on earth." (Qur'an 2:30) However, at the same time, the Creator also instilled some protective mechanisms for fighting these negative instincts.
"Man was created weak," says the Qur'an. During the moment of weakness, we succumb to the designs of our enemy, that is, the devil, who "will attack us from front, from behind, from the side,” in order to divert us from God consciousness and return to our true animistic nature. Thus anger by itself is not unnatural; it is the expression of anger, which if done wrongfully, can lead to problems. The difference between the wild beasts and wild humans is the difference of free will. When a lion or a wolf is angry, he does not think. When a man becomes angry as a result of provocation, he has a choice to control his anger or to respond to it as he has been taught by the teachings of prophets and saints, or forget all that and become a wild animal. Thus anger takes place when we are not in control of ourselves, but the devil is controlling us.
Anger is a destabilizing thought. It is the most dividing emotion between friends; it takes away judgment, leads to depression, madness and wrong actions that we would repent later when we are not angry. But why do we get angry to begin with? It is either an unexpected provocation or unexpected situation which leads to frustration and an angry response. During anger, one can physically or verbally abuse a person that he or she loves, hurt another living being like an animal, or during the dejection phase of anger, one can even hurt him- or herself and even commit suicide. When anger is directed toward a group of people, it can manifest in terrorism, whether against people of other faiths or nations. However, all anger is not of satanic origin. How can we blame Satan for a child who is angry because he does not get his toy or when he is hungry?
The point I am making is that the natural fulfillment of normal desires, whether in terms of food or sex, is a prerequisite for prevention of anger. There are many chemicals and hormones which affect our moods and behavior. It is well known that hypoglycemia and hyperthyroidism precipitate irritability and anger. We must keep our hormones in balance in addition to facilitating our spiritual well-being.
Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) who was sent to mankind to teach them good moral conduct, learned to control his anger toward the unbelievers and teach them appropriate expressions. He constantly spoke against being angry. One companion once asked him, “Give me some short advice by virtue of which I could hope for good in the life hereafter, and he advised, “Don't be angry." Another person asked, “What will save me from the wrath of God,” and Prophet replied, "Do not express your anger." A third person asked three times, “O Prophet of God, give me an order to do a short good deed”, and he said, "Don't be angry." Once he asked a question of his companions, "Who among you do you consider a strong man?" They said, “The one who can defeat so-and-so wrestler in a fight.” The Prophet said, “That is not so. The one who is strong is the one who can control himself at the time of anger.” He also said that anger is like fire, which destroys you from within, and can also lead you to the fire of hell by your expression of anger unjustly.
Being angry is like being drunk. In both cases, we do not know what we are doing, hurting ourselves or someone else, and afterwards when the intoxication is over, we repent. Caliph Omar used to say that one who controls anger gets salvation. Sheikh Hassan Basri said that one of the signs of the believer is that his anger will not prevail over him.
Anger should be distinguished between the natural response to wrongdoing and disbelief. A person who has no feelings about oppression, wrongdoing and disbelief is, in fact, an impotent person emotionally. It has been said, "Evil flourishes when a few good people do not do anything to oppose it." Thus response to injustice and operation in a civilized way is the appropriate expression of anger. Being neutral to injustice is equal to contributing to injustice. Sometimes taking up arms in order to fight oppression and injustice, in defense or in offense, is the basis of "the just war." However, this "just war" is not justified on a personal level.
Caliph Ali (r) was once fighting a war imposed on Muslims and the chief of the Unbelievers confronted him. During the fight, Hazrat Ali was able to overcome him. His opponent fell down on the ground and Ali was about to kill him. Knowing his fate , the fallen foe had no choice and he spit on the face of Ali. Ali immediately got up and left him alone. The man came running to him and asked,” You had a chance to kill me since I was defeated; how come you didn't use your sword?" Ali said, "I have no personal animosity toward you. I was fighting you because of your disbelief, on behalf of God. If I had killed you after you spat on my face, then it would have become my personal revenge which I do not wish to take." That unbeliever became a Muslim immediately.
When Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) got angry at someone else's wrong actions or disbeliefs, he never expressed it with his hand or tongue. His companions knew that he was angry by looking at his face, which would be red with sweat showing on his forehead. He would keep quiet for a moment in trying to control himself.
What happens to us physiologically when we are angry? Our heart rate and blood pressure go up; this is a direct effect of excessive adrenalin in our system. Our physical strength increases although spiritual strength decreases. Our intellect or power to reason goes away, and things we would not justify in a normal state of mind become acceptable. The organs of our body which are otherwise under our control, get out of control. Thus, our tongue becomes abusive, and we utter words which would hurt someone else. Our hands are out of control, and we will hit someone or sometimes ourselves. Our feet are out of control, and we could kick someone whether a human being, an animal or a broken machine.
How do we control anger? Contrary to other teaching, I believe that to root out anger is impossible and unnatural, and may even be harmful. A person who does not control or redirect the expression of anger may have built up anger within himself, which may hurt him physically. Apart from being depressed and having a feeling of dejection, during the phase of unexpressed anger, his constant, rapid heart rate and high blood pressure may harm his heart and even lead to a heart attack over the long run. Apart from being violent, during the phase of anger since his mind does not work, an angry person may make a wrong decision about his job or personal relationship which will affect his future.
Medicine for Anger
The first preventive medicine is to avoid being too sensitive to provocation and become "deaf, dumb and mute." It may be necessary for some people to engage in something else to divert themselves. For saints, it may be advisable to engage in remembrance of God or meditation, but for common people some worldly tools are needed.
A couple went to Prophet Mohammed and said, “We have been fighting each other for many years. Each time she says something to hurt my feelings, I become angry, and then I fight back and this fight comes to such a degree that I am afraid that this verbal fight may become physical, or we may end up with divorce. So please advise how we control our anger.” He told the husband that when your wife provokes you and makes you angry, take a sip of water in your mouth and do not swallow it or spit it out, but keep it there until she has calmed down. Well, he practiced that and a few months later, he reported back that the advice did work.
Since we believe that anger is an expression of satanic control, we must not let this control take over. The Prophet had advised us to say, "During anger, I seek refuge in the protection of God." He also advised us that when angry, one should sit down or lie down as it is not easy to hit someone else in those positions. Obviously, the best remedy is to think about God and "ask yourself the question, "Are you in control of yourself, or would you allow God to take control of you?" Think of God's anger and punishment. Is God's wrath less than your wrath? And what happens when He expresses His wrath? We humans who seek forgiveness from God must forgive others first. When one forgives someone else, it establishes peace and tranquility in one's heart, but at the same time, the matter of injustice or wrong actions which made one angry, become a dispute between him and God; and if one does not take revenge and forgives, God might act on one’s behalf. The first attribute of God/Allah that we Muslims are reminded (of) is Ar Rahman-Ar Rahim, that is, Kind and Merciful. God Himself said, My mercy overtakes my wrath, and He told in one of the hadith qudsi, "O son of Adam, when you get angry, remember Me.” Thus, remembrance of God and meditation will keep us keep on the right track. One of the meditation words is Ya Halim, which is one of the attributes of God, being the Mild One. One can also pray to God to take control of the situation and the person or the people who have caused His anger. We must also think that the life so dear to us, is a temporary life, and we must not forget our death and destroy the life of eternity at the cost of this life. Washing one's face with cold water or taking a cold shower is also helpful.
Thus it is important for one to redirect the energy in engaging in something else. However, the height of sainthood is to do the opposite of what the provoking person expects one to do. If he expects you to rebuke him or verbally abuse him in return, then one should tell him, “I love you,” and mention his good qualities. If he expects one to physically attack him, then one should embrace him and forgive him. That is how the saying "turn the other cheek" came about. One will become a calm person when he makes peace with himself, his Creator and his surroundings. Anger is a costly weed. It costs one his health, life in this world, and the life in the Hereafter. This weed must be rooted out to allow the healthy plant of righteousness, piety and service to God and His creation nurture and grow.
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