Romancing a Language!
By Rafiq Ebrahim
Glynn, IL
For me it has always been a brain-boosting satisfaction to be in the company of intellectuals, though some of them turn out to be pseudo-intellectuals like our well-fed analysts and experts seen on Indian and Pakistani TV channels who put you in a confused mental state off and on.
My friend, Harilal Dodo, does not belong to that class. The gems that come out of his head really enlighten and often provoke hearty laughter. Harilal is an assistant professor of Hindi at a local University, and writes short humorous Hindi stories which are greatly in demand by some editors, who love his work but only a few of them pay him. Words of appreciation from them and occasional emails from the readers are his only reward.
Having read one of his recent, laughter- packed stories and not understanding some Hindi terms he had used, I made a note of the terms and brought forth the same when I met him last week at his place to indulge in some stimulating mental discussion. While sipping the customary spicy herbal tea served by his wife, I took out my notebook and said, “Harilal bhai, there are some terms used by you in your last story that I do not understand. Could you please clarify so that I could make sense of the story?”
“Shoot,” he said.
“Here is one: Akhand Bharat Ghans Gaind Balla Tik Tik.”
“That’s simple. It means ‘All India Lawn Tennis Championship.”
“In the school you have referred to a bakwasi.”
“It means a teacher.”
“A teacher? You call a teacher bakwasi?”
“Isn’t it a fact that more than ninety percent of the teachers in the subcontinent are bakwasis?”
“And what do you call a Head Master?
“Maha Bakwasi.”
“What do you mean by Pattar Ghusair?”
“A letter box where we put in letters.”
I was getting amazing information about the Hindi language, and wondered whether these were real Hindi terms or just the creation of Harilal’s mind or distortion of the language to make it funny. There were a few more explanations I needed.
“You have devoted two paragraphs in your story to the description of a beautiful girl. What do you mean by dil ki dharkan, dhak dhak nari?”
“A charming girl who makes your heart flutter.”
“And what is this gale ki langot?”
“A neck scarf,” came the quick reply.
“And what do you mean by mandi ki chapait?”
“Recession, my friend, recession!”
“What is pawan pachhar?”
“A windfall.”
I finished the cup of tea and got up, thanking the professor for enriching my knowledge with the new terms. Now I could make sense of the story, which runs as follows:
There lived a young boy in Panchgani, a hill resort near Mumbai, who after graduation from dhoti to trousers, developed a deep dislike for the school he was attending. One day, he dropped out before passing his High School exams, because he could no longer bear the harsh voice and the left eye of the bakwasi which constantly winked. He also loathed the round figure of the Maha Bakwasi, particularly his protruding belly which rested on his desk in front when he sat.
His only passion now was to play tennis at a local club, and he was sure that one day he would be included in a team taking part in Akhand Bharat Ghans Gaind Balla Tik Tik.
A game was being played in Mumbai next week, so he wrote a letter to his girl friend, Dil ki dharkan dhak dhak nari, inviting her to watch it with him. He dropped the letter in a pattar ghusair. The letter when it reached her house was opened by the girl’s father, who got furious. Her mother, who liked the boy, later convinced her husband that the boy was very decent and will be a good match for their daughter. “Only if he stops wearing that multicolored gale ki langot,” said the father, who was always allergic to anything worn around the neck.
To show to the parents of the girl that he was not just a wastrel, but someone who worked hard to earn money, he started working in his father’s Mirch Masala shop. Some time later his proposal for marriage was sent to the parents of the girl, who decided that it was not the right time for marriage, for the country - no the whole world - was in the grip of mandi ki chapait. As such, they would not be able to arrange for a dowry.
The boy was getting impatient, but the girl asked him to just wait for some time. They would get married as soon as her father got a pawan pachhar in his stocks dealing.
