Mind Your Language!
By Ghazala Akbar
Kuwait
Oh what a field day Sigmund Freud would have in Pakistan.
180 million subjects for psychoanalysis on the proverbial couch.
There is no other word for it. We are a nation of Masochists.
We have developed the act of turning one's destructive tendencies
inward or upon oneself into an art form. Like the tongue that
probes a mouth ulcer or the nail that picks at scabs we are constantly on the lookout for inflicting new wounds upon ourselves Take the latest Bill introduced by a female member of Parliament, for the August body's urgent consideration: A Language Bill.
What! Come again. A Language Bill?
Pardon my ignorance but isn't Urdu our national language as decreed by the constitution? Isn't there a consensus on this issue? Didn't the Gujrati-speaking Quaid e Azam himself say that 'Urdu and Urdu alone will be the State Language of Pakistan?'
But when have we deferred to the Founder's wishes. This is not Mr. Jinnah's Pakistan. Never has been.
Ironic though that the author of the bill is a member of the PML(Q). For those unfamiliar with the factions or the musical chairs of Pakistani politics, the Pakistan Muslim League (Quaid e Azam) was the' King's Party' in the good old days of the General. They were ignominiously beaten to oblivion in the electoral mayhem of 2008.
Today they are the king makers with a seat at the top table. Yesterday's men and women, ministers today. The King is dead. Long live the King.
Such is the nature of our Machiavellian politics, that the Q League and the PPP are now batting on the same side. Something to do with lota politics, the national interest or perhaps a mutual interest in keeping yet another faction of the Muslim League, the PML-N out of office. My enemy's enemy is my friend.
But I am digressing.
So it’s back to the main menu, the Language Bill.
This Bill proposed that regional languages - Sindhi, Punjabi, Baluchi, Pushto and Seraiki - should also be given national language status.
In other words there ought to be six national languages. Plus of course, the official language English in which our laws are written, executive business conducted and judgments delivered.
I don't know about you but the senselessness, the timing, and the futility of this proposal leaves me tongue-tied, speechless and desirous of becoming a deaf mute.
We need another controversy like we need a hole in the head!It’s bad enough that religious schisms are gnawing at our entrails.
There are drones buzzing overhead. Our ears are ringing with verbal slaps by imperious Americans. Their hectoring op-ed pieces grate on our nerves. And worse, the Pakistan Cricket Board in habitual self-destructive mode is head-butting poor Shahid Afridi in full public view.
The simple fact is: when we are up to our necks in it, do we really need any more muck.
Perhaps the honorable MNA, who has done sterling work on legislation for women's rights, is too young to remember that the issue of language was a catalyst in detaching one half of the country; that language is an emotive and divisive issue that unleashes excitable passions and is capable of generating violence that we can ill-afford.
Do we really need to shoot ourselves on the foot. Again!
The mind boggles at the thought of what six national languages plus English will entail. Seven different ways of writing Breaking News!
Endless Khabar Naamas on PTV, official forms, ID cards, utility bills.
Spare a thought for the poor PIA hostesses, already struggling with announcements in English and Urdu. They will have to cope with umpteen ways of saying 'Khawateen aur Hazraat, please refrain from smoking... cigarette - noshi sey parhez karey. Thank you.’
And what guarantee is there that we will stop at these six languages.
There may be demands for Kashmiri. Perhaps Arabic from the Pan-Islamists in preparation for the restoration of the Caliphate.
Consider too the financial implications of such an enterprise.
There isn't enough money to print textbooks in one language, let alone six or seven.
For heaven's sake, it’s not more languages that this country needs.
It is education. More education. And even more education.
If you are ignorant and illiterate, it doesn't really matter what language you speak. Whether it is Urdu, Punjabi, Sindhi, Pushto, Balochi or Seraiki you will remain an ignoramus all your life.
And the same applies to Parliament. It’s not about the number of laws that it enacts or what language they debate in. It’s about what they legislate: the content and significance of the law and its relevance to the needs of the country and the people. This is the litmus test. Otherwise you can you can pass all the laws and the fancy resolutions that you want. They will not be worth the paper they are written on. Just a load of tissue paper to be flushed down the drain.
Actually the issue of toilet paper resolutions should not cause undue concern amongst our elected representatives - given that some are victims of verbal diahorrea or professional practitioners of 'lota' politics!
But I am getting flushed by coarse lavatorial metaphors.
Too much bovine scatology and loose talk. Better mind my language.
