Quarrelsome Husband and Wife, Hijra and Muharram
Q 1. If husband and wife fight each other and after that they do not talk for 3-4 years, does this affect their nikah?
A 1. It is not right for husband and wife to break their relations for such a long time. If there are differences, then they should try to reconcile them as soon as possible. The Prophet - peace be upon him - urged Muslims to reconcile their differences within three days.
The one who begins the reconciliation receives the greater reward and blessings from Allah. (See al-Bukhari, Hadith no. 5605 and Muslim, Hadith no. 4643) However, a separation due to strained relationship does not affect the Nikah, howsoever long its period may be. They are still husband and wife. If the husband does not reconcile with his wife and remains separated from her, she has a right to file for divorce and take a legal divorce through the court.
But if a husband separates from his wife with an oath that he will not have conjugal relations with her, then he has only four months to reconcile.
According to the Qur'an, this is called "Ila' ". Allah says, "Those who swear that they will not go into their wives, the waiting period is four months. Then if they go back, Allah is surely Forgiving, Merciful. If they resolve on a divorce, then Allah is surely hearing and knowing" (al-Baqarah 2:226-227). At the end of four months if he has not reconciled verbally or in action, then according to Imam Abu Hanifah there will be an automatic divorce and the Nikah is broken. The wife then will have the right to marry someone else. Other jurists are of the opinion that it is not automatic divorce, but the wife has the right to seek divorce through the court. And the judge can grant divorce to her.
Q 2. Over the past two years I have been spending a lot of my time with a Christian girl I met. During that time, we have fallen in love and have done things that we know are not accepted by either of our religions. I feel bad and remorseful, I want to marry her and she is willing to convert to Islam. My question is: "How can I repent for my sins and ask for Allah's forgiveness?" My other question is regarding my family: how do I approach them (they are very religious)?
A 2. Many Muslim youth in Europe and America are getting trapped in this manner. Some people begin this relationship in a very innocent manner. They think that they are very strong, but Shaitan plays his role and then they indulge in all kinds of Haram acts.
You have indeed committed a major sin. You should repent very seriously and immediately. Ask Allah to forgive you. Take a shower with the intention of repentance, perform rak'ah of nafl prayers and then turn your attention to Allah and say with the sincerity of your heart, "O Allah, I did much wrong to myself. None can forgive my sins except You. O Allah, forgive me and have mercy upon me. Indeed, You are most Forgiving, most Merciful."
Observe your regular prayers and involve yourself more in Islamic work. Give sadaqah to the poor and needy with the intention to purify yourself. Never commit this sin again. Do not have any relations with this woman, unless she accepts Islam. Make sure that her Islam is not just for marriage, but she is genuinely and sincerely accepting Islam. Then, if she accepts Islam, Allah will forgive her past sins and she will be a new person and it will be permissible for you to marry her.
Introduce her to your family and seek their consent for this marriage. It will be, most probably, a big shock for your family and it will break their hearts. It might be difficult for them to accept this marriage, but whatever you decide, keep your good relations with your family.
Do not separate from them or leave them because of this relationship. With wisdom and patience, you will be able, inshallah, to keep your whole family together. May Allah forgive you and bring you to the right path.
Q 3. I am a Sunni, and I would like to know what a Sunni is supposed to do during the days of Muharram.
A 3. In the month of Muharram, we should remember the Hijrah of the Prophet - peace be upon him - from Makkah to Madinah. There are many lessons in this story and it can help us to understand the basic significance of the Hijrah calendar. It is good to remember that Hijrah was a significant move for the growth of Islam and throughout history, Islam has benefited from the Hijrah. The presence and growth of Islam in America also came by the efforts of those who migrated to this land and worked for the cause of Allah.
It is also the Sunnah of the Prophet - peace be upon him - to fast on the 9th and 10th of Muharram. The Prophet - peace be upon him - used to fast on the 10th day ('Ashura'). When he came to Madinah, he found out that the Jews of Madinah were also fasting on this day remembering Prophet Musa - peace be upon him. The Prophet - peace be upon him- liked this tradition and he said to the Jews, "I am closer to Moses than you are." He fasted and he also told the Sahabah to fast on this day. (See al-Bukhari, Hadith 1865). Later, before the end of his life on this earth, the Prophet - peace be upon him - told Muslims to add the 9th day also. Thus it is recommended (nafl) to fast on the 9th and 10th, both days.
It is also good to remember the great sacrifice of Sayyidna Husain and his family - may Allah be pleased with all of them. Theirs was the true Jihad for the cause of truth and justice. We should learn the lessons of courage, patience and perseverance from the episode of Karbala' (year 61 A.H. / 680 C.E.). We pray to Allah to bless all the Ahl al-Bait and Companions of our Blessed Prophet Muhammad - peace be upon him. In their lives there is a great example for us. We should remember them in a dignified manner.
