Issues and Questions

Husband and Wife Fighting, Hijra & Muharram

By Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi

Q 1. If husband and wife fight each other and after that they do not talk for 3-4 years, does this affect their nikah?
A 1. It is not right for husband and wife to break their relations for such a long time. If there are differences then they should try to reconcile as soon as possible. The Prophet - peace be upon him - urged Muslims to reconcile their differences within three days. The one who begins the reconciliation receives the greater reward and blessings from Allah. (See al-Bukhari, Hadith no. 5605 and Muslim, Hadith no. 4643) However a separation due to strained relationship does not affect the Nikah, howsoever long its period may be. They are still husband and wife. If the husband does not reconcile with his wife and remains separated from her, she has a right to file for divorce and take a legal divorce through the court.
But if a husband separates from his wife with an oath that he will not have conjugal relations with her, then he has only four months to reconcile. According to the Qur'an, this is called "Ila' ". Allah says, "Those who swear that they will not go into their wives, the waiting period is four months. Then if they go back, Allah is surely Forgiving, Merciful. If they resolve on a divorce, then Allah is surely hearing and knowing." (al-Baqarah 2:226-227) At the end of four months if he has not reconciled verbally or in action, then according to Imam Abu Hanifah there will be an automatic divorce and the Nikah is broken. The wife then will have the right to marry some one else. Other jurists are of the opinion that it is not automatic divorce, but the wife has the right seek divorce through the court. And the judge can grant divorce to her.
Q 2. Over the past two years I have been spending a lot of my time with a Christian girl I met. During that time we have fallen in love and have done things that we know are not accepted by either of our religions. I feel bad and remorseful, I want to marry her and she is willing to convert to Islam. My question is: "How can I repent for my sins and ask for Allah's forgiveness?" My other question is regarding my family: how do I approach them (they are very religious)?
A 2. Many Muslim youth in Europe and America are getting trapped in this manner. Some people begin this relationship in a very innocent manner. They think that they are very strong, but Shaitan plays his role and then they indulge in all kinds of Haram acts.
You have indeed committed a major sin. You should repent very seriously and immediately. Ask Allah to forgive you. Take a shower with the intention of repentance, perform rak'ah of nafl prayers and then turn your attention to Allah and say with the sincerity of your heart, "O Allah, I did much wrong to myself. None can forgive my sins except You. O Allah, forgive me and have mercy upon me. Indeed You are most Forgiving, most Merciful." Observe your regular prayers and involve yourself more in Islamic work. Give sadaqah to the poor and needy with the intention to purify yourself. Never commit this sin again. Do not have any relations with this woman, unless she accepts Islam. Make sure that her Islam is not just for marriage, but she is genuinely and sincerely accepting Islam. Then, if she accepts Islam, Allah will forgive her past sins and she will be a new person and it will be permissible for you to marry her.
Introduce her to your family and seek their consent for this marriage. It will be, most probably, a big shock for your family and it will break their hearts. It might be difficult for them to accept this marriage, but whatever you decide, keep your good relations with your family. Do not separate from them or leave them because of this relationship. With wisdom and patience you will be able, inshallah, to keep your whole family together. May Allah forgive you and bring you to the right path.
Q 3. I am a Sunni, and I would like to know what a Sunni is supposed to do during the days of Muharram.
A 3. In the month of Muharram, we should remember the Hijrah of the Prophet - peace be upon him - from Makkah to Madinah. There are many lessons in this story and it can help us to understand the basic significance of the Hijrah calendar. It is good to remember that Hijrah was a significant move for the growth of Islam and throughout history, Islam has benefited from the Hijrah. The presence and growth of Islam in America also came by the efforts of those who migrated to this land and worked for the cause of Allah.
It is also the Sunnah of the Prophet - peace be upon him - is to fast on the 9th and 10th of Muharram. The Prophet - peace be upon him - used to fast on the 10th day ('Ashura'). When he came to Madinah, he found out that the Jews of Madinah were also fasting on this day remembering Prophet Musa - peace be upon him. The Prophet - peace be upon him liked this tradition and he said to the Jews, "I am closer to Moses than you are." He fasted and he also told the Sahabah to fast on this day. (See al-Bukhari, Hadith 1865). Later, before the end of his life on this earth, the Prophet - peace be upon him - told Muslims to add 9th day also. Thus it is recommended (nafl) to fast on the 9th and 10th, both days.
It is also good to remember the great sacrifice of Sayyidna Husain and his family - may Allah be pleased with all of them. Theirs was the true Jihad for the cause of truth and justice. We should learn the lessons of courage, patience and perseverance from the episode of Karbala' (year 61 A.H. / 680 C.E.). We pray to Allah to bless all the Ahl al-Bait and Companions of our Blessed Prophet Muhammad - peace be upon him. In their lives there is a great example for us. We should remember them in a dignified manner.

- DrSiddiqi@aol.com

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14 things to remember for Eid day

If the focus of Eid this year for you and your family is making it special, emphasizing the build-up to and the actual Eid prayer also requires preparation.
Here are some tips, etiquettes and points to remember for Eid day to make it happy and comfortable for all.
1. Prepare all clothes, maps, etc. one day in advance
Looking for the map of how to get to the Eid prayer area once you're in the car headed there is not a good idea. You may discover it's missing. That's why you need to check that you have all the necessary information about how to reach your destination one day in advance. This way, you have enough time to call for directions or buy a map.
Similarly, all clothes should be ironed the night before, since there may not be time the day of Eid, or there may be too much of a rush for the iron.
Setting the Eid table should also be done in advance, especially considering it's Eid and you want the table to look nice. It's hard to do that when you're in a rush to get to Eid prayers on time.
2. Share children's responsibilty
Decide which kids will go with which parent the day before Eid prayers. Too often, fathers dump the entire responsibility for taking care of the children on mothers' shoulders. The situation often becomes unmanageable as moms may not be able to watch all of the kids. Fathers need to take some of this responsibility.
One way of doing this is by separating the siblings who fight the most. Another is by keeping the girls with mom and the boys with dad. Or babies (birth to three years) with mom and kids (four to seven-years-old) with dad. Every family is unique so parents will have to decide how to split up the kids. Regardless of how it's done, the point is to reduce disruption for parents and for others and to keep the kids in tow.
3. Talk to the kids about proper behavior
Explain to them before going that while Eid is a time of happiness, fun and celebration, it is not appropriate to run, jump, shout and play hide-and-seek with other kids at the prayer place. Throw in an enticing reward (i.e. a promise to go out for ice cream or the park later that day if they behave) may also encourage kids to save the fun and games for after prayers.
Also explain that they must sit still and be quiet during the explanation of the prayer, during the prayer (if they are not praying) and the Khutbah that follows. Advise them to whisper in Mommy or Daddy's ear if they need anything and must talk to them.
4. Take a bag to put your shoes in
This way, you can freely move around if necessary to straighten up your line in prayer, since you won't be worrying about where you've put your shoes. Have each family member make their own bag if there's time, and get the younger kids to decorate theirs. Everyone should put their initials on the bag and remember to carry it with them at all times.
5. Take your Musallas with you to pray
Although arrangements are usually made to have a sheet or paper to pray on, encourage everyone in your family to bring their own, just in case.
6. Say the Takbirat in the car
In particular, have the younger kids lead it with everyone else following. This way, their energy and excitement will dissipate and they won't be so hyper at the Eid prayer place.
7. Go in the first line of prayer
For men, this is the best place to be if you want to catch the Imam's explanation of prayers, his Khutbah, as well as any other announcements.
Sadly, it's also the place where there is a greater chance prayer lines will be straight (things just start to deteriorate further down in the back).This is a tendency in both the men and women's sections.
8. Be quiet while the Imam is explaining how to pray
If Maryam, a new Muslim sister, is trying to understand how to do the Eid prayer, she can't exactly do that if Hafsa on her right is gabbing incessantly with her friends. Out of respect for others, we should be silent or at least whisper if necessary so we don't disturb others who are trying to understand how to do the Eid prayer.
9. Straighten your lines in prayer
Make sure to stand shoulder to shoulder and in straight lines facing the Qibla for the Eid prayer.
10. Be quiet during the Khutbah
After the Eid prayer, the Imam will give a brief Khutbah. It is highly encouraged to stay and listen to it. Even if we do have to get up and leave, we should do so as quietly as possible so as not to disturb those who are listening.
11. Greet those whom you know and those you don't
Say Salam and hug the person next to you once the Khutbah is over. Isn't it ironic that we stand so physically close to someone in prayer (shoulder to shoulder) but completely ignore them once it's over? Hug your prayer neighbor and at least wish them Eid Mubarak.
If they are alone, invite them over or get their phone number and inform them of any Eid activities that are coming up in your community. They may be new to the community and know nobody, so be as open and friendly as possible.
Abdullah ibn Amr narrated that a man once asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) what aspect of Islam was the best, and he said: You should provide food, and greet both those you know and those you do not (Bukhari, Muslim).
12. Contribute to the arrangement of the Eid prayers
Some places may pass around a box or bag seeking donations to cover the cost of renting the Eid prayer place. Give generously, since it normally costs thousands of dollars and the more the Muslim community gives, the faster Eid prayer organizers can pay back the amount.
13. Look for the Muslim leadership and congratulate them
How often do you see Muslims thanking their leaders, those poor people who work so hard for the community with minimal to no pay. Seek these people out and give them your Eid greetings. Thank them for all of their hard work for the community.
14. Get the family to help out with clean up
See if the family can volunteer to help clean up the prayer area after everyone has left. This is also a time when you may see Muslims who don't have family in the community or are new Muslims. Greet them and invite them over or at least inform them of any upcoming Eid activities.
(http://www.soundvision.com)

 

Editor: Akhtar M. Faruqui
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