April 18, 2008
The Ethics of Disagreement
It is sadly paradoxical that the followers of a religion that gives fairly detailed instructions even on manners and interpersonal relations are wholly unable to agree to disagree.
In an amazing protection of privacy Surah Nur (24:29) recommends seeking permission to enter a home, and if it is not granted, to leave without taking offense. Surah Baqarah states that it is not righteous to enter homes through the back door (2:189). One wonders how many Muslims are aware that the custom of knocking on doors and entering only with permission is a Muslim tradition. In extended and even single families, informality can extend to the point that this recommendation of the Qur’an is not followed.
“A smile for your brother is charity,” said Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Trying to follow this, one tends to incorporate it in daily life, with a nod and a smile to whosoever we come across. But this behavior has to entirely cease as soon as one lands in a largely Muslim country, for a woman smiling at a man is immediately misunderstood and one may have gotten a lot more than anticipated. In terms of trouble.
The advancement of a community, a nation and an ummah is only possible with discourse, discussion and debate. Why is it that, in a discussion, should anyone differ from another, all hell breaks loose and anything from pouting to frank screaming and even physical altercation can occur?
Why is a Muslim typified by his difference of opinion with his fellow Muslim? It is fine to disagree, but why is it that disagreement cannot be expressed politely, professionally and within the norms of basic manners?
In several verses in the Qur’an, Muminun (23:3), Furqan (25:72), Maryam (19:62), Waqia (56:25) and Naba (78:35) vain and nonsensical talk is to be avoided. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) specifically acted on the verbiage of Surah Waqia: during da’wa when the conversation got heated he had the wisdom to withdraw and would say “salaman salama” (peace be upon you, peace be upon you).
It behooves us all to follow the most perfect of all human beings, our beloved Muhammad (pbuh), and when we see that the conversation is getting nowhere, we must seek a quick resolution, give in or withdraw; but whatever you do, do it with the husn us-sulook, beauty of interaction that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) always displayed.
Whether it is our family life, our mosque council meetings or affairs of Muslim nations we have not been true to the creed of the greatest of all men, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). We have not taken seriously all the detailed instructions that the Qur’an, Hadith and Sunnah give about the beauty of character and interaction of a Muslim.
In general discourse the Qur’an in Surah Luqman (31:19) advises “lower your voice, for the harshest voice is the braying of a donkey”. There have been events in our city in which women have been so loud in their jocularity that older women in the community have had to leave the party, for they were getting palpitations.
If in a state of fun and games the volume can be so high, imagine what would happen in anger when the element of control is also absent. According to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), “The strong man is not one who is good at wrestling but one who controls himself in a fit of rage” (Riyadh-al-Saliheen). A very apt saying in Urdu goes:
Zafar admi us ko na janiye ga jo ho jaisa bhi sahib-e-fehmo zaka
Jisey aish mein yad-e-khuda na rahi jisey taish mein khauf-e-khuda na raha
(Do not consider him a worthy man, who in wealth forgets the remembrance of God, and in anger, forgets the fear of God).
Husn uz-zan or giving the other the benefit of the doubt is another vital concept to practice. “O you who believe, avoid suspicion as much as possible, for in some cases, suspicion is a sin, nor backbite one another.” Hujurat (49:12).
In political and organizational affairs, it is vital to practice husn uz-zan or else the line of communication threatens to cut off with further compounding of problems.
In a wonderful persuasion to beauty of character in Surah Hujurat (26:11) the Qur’an says: “O believers! Let no men laugh at other men who may be better than themselves, and let no woman laugh at another woman who may perhaps be better than herself. Do not defame through sarcastic remarks, nor call one another by offensive nicknames.”
The second caliph of Islam, Umar ibn al-Khattab gave women an ample opportunity to question him in a public forum. An older woman wanted to know how he could put a cap or limit on mahar (gift given to the wife at marriage) when Allah had not. Others were outraged at her audacity, but he answered her and said that “she is right and Umar is wrong”. By this he encouraged the process of free democratic enquiry, not silencing with authoritarianism.
Elected officials in a community or government ought to remember that democracy is noisy; there will be dissension and with elected position comes great responsibility, and marked inconvenience. Every attempt should be made to resolve issues with dignity and justice, without resorting to veiled threats of ostracism or dire consequences. After all, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did not allow the sahaba to attack even the man that urinated in the mosque.
On a personal and community level it would help a great deal if we looked at difference of opinion as interesting rather than insulting. If we mentally step back in a conversation and get a sense of perspective, it would prevent us from coming to immature conclusions.
After all shoora is an inherent part of Islam. The word shoora is another instance of how one word in Arabic can take two or three in English to fully describe its meaning. Dr. Jafar Sheikh Idris in Shoora and Democracy: A Conceptual Analysis, defines it as consultation and deliberation. He describes how the root word shara comes from the extraction of honey from hives; similar to the way consultation and deliberation bring out ideas from people’s minds. It might also have been thought, he writes, that good ideas and opinions were as sweet and precious as honey.
If the good of the larger community, the nation and the ummah is kept in mind, and we resolve to keep our egos in check, always keeping the model of Prophet Muhammad’s (pbuh) life as our frame of reference, we can achieve a great deal with our amazing talent and diversity. I love that Urdu saying: jahan ittefaq hai wahan roaz Eid hai (where there is cohesiveness it is like Eid everyday)
(Dr. Mahjabeen Islam is a family practice physician and freelance columnist. Her email address is mahjabeenislam@sbcglobal.net
