Page 21 - Pakistan Link - February 1, 2019

COMMENTARY FEBRUARY 1, 2019 – PAKISTAN LINK – P21
Bureaucratic Antics He inquired whether the Bureau thought it was
n By Syed Arif Hussaini hydrochloric acid excellent for cleaning drains.

ver a decade back, I had received a OK. Their answer: “The efficiency of hydrochlo-
letter from the local Social Security ric acid is indisputable but the chlorine residue
ODepartment informing me that I had is incompatible with metallic permanence.” The
died! The letter, rather NOTICE OF AC- plumber wrote back thanking the Bureau and
TION as it was called, bore expressing his pleasure that they agreed with
my name as the addressee and him. The people at the Bureau were alarmed that
said: “Medical coverage for the they had been misunderstood and wrote back:
above named will be discon- “We cannot assume responsibility for the pro-
tinued because we have been duction of toxic and noxious residues with hy-
notified of the person’s death. drochloric acid; we suggest you use an alterative
There are no special death or procedure.”
burial benefits provided under the Medi-Cal The plumber wrote again to say he was glad
program.” to know their interest in his work and that he
Since I had not yet kicked the bucket, I was was continuing with the acid. The Bureau sent
least interested in the “special” or regular death a telegram: “Don’t use hydrochloric acid. It eats
or burial benefits. If I were dead, as the bureau- hell out of the pipes.”
cracy had presumed, would it have mattered to In my first posting in a large govern-
my dead and buried body whether the medical ment bureaucracy back home, I was frequently
benefits were withdrawn or not. As I was still stumped by the language used. My stenographer
alive and needed the medical benefits that I was became my guide. I could not understand why a
entitled to as a senior citizen, the Notice Of Ac- note on which the President was giving orders
tion did scare me. was called an unofficial (u.o.) note. Why a Mem-
Much as I would have liked to, I could not orandum was called an Office Memo, and why it
treat the letter as junk mail. I could have made started with the words “The undersigned is di-
a paper plane out of it, but I couldn’t have made rected to...” If I was the undersigned, who could
it fly considering the nature of information on be the over signed. Why should formal letters
it. Death is the last serious act of a person; it weeks of all that “hokay, hokay” I received an- stitute for human intelligence, but then so are a end with the words: “I have the honor Sir, to be
couldn’t be treated lightly that way. other notice saying exactly the same thing. I lot of bureaucrats. It may someday be capable your obedient servant”, when the bureaucrat ac-
To make sure that it was just a normal slip called the office several times to receive busy of artificial intelligence, but it will never master tually means: “You have the honor, you nobody,
of the bureaucratic pen or computer, I decided signals or the answering machine. I understood real stupidity like some bureaucrats do. to be my obedient servant.”
to shave, dress and present my ghost or myself why people were living longer these days. When To revert to my story, I did receive a letter a The expression “Enclosed herewith please
to the Social Security Office. the Angel of Death calls, all he gets is an answer- couple of days later saying: “The discontinuance find” was totally beyond me, as I couldn’t con-
On the way it occurred to me that my let- ing machine. of your qualified Medicare beneficiary program ceive of enclosing something therewith, and if a
ter informing that office about the demise of my Finally, when I did succeed in speaking to benefits has been rescinded.” Very simple bu- document was enclosed, the receiver of the let-
wife might have been read by some functionary a human being and not an answering machine, reaucratese! ter would of course find it, unless he was dumb
in a hurry - a paradoxical term in a bureaucra- he asked me to speak to Mr B. I recalled the Language is all that separates us from the enough to be specifically asked to “please find”.
cy - who saw the word “dead” and understood words of a wit: “If the first person who answers lower animals, and from the bureaucrats. Thanks to my steno, I survived.
clearly what had happened. Then the person the phone cannot answer your question, it is a That is not the end of the story, as I had pre- You cannot imagine the strain the clerical
might have skipped the text, considering it to be bureaucracy. If he does, it is a miracle.” sumed. For, last week, twelve-and-a-half years staff back home go through every day to think
redundant, and noted my name at the bottom of Hoping for a miracle, I called Mr B. He after the demise of my wife and complete silence in mother tongue and to translate their thoughts
the letter and connected the two. Two plus two picked up the phone on the first ring and did not since the above-mentioned incident, I received into an alien language. Here is the exact text of
made five to him, and I was the number five in take more than a couple of minutes to under- a letter of the same office addressed to my wife the leave application of a clerk I had received:
this case. stand the problem. He asked me to hold the line asking her to visit that office on November 2, “Sir, shortly I am going to be faced with
The moon-faced, oriental-looking lady at and disappeared for a good ten minutes. I start- with certain documents, so that her continued the delivery circumstances of my wife. For this
the window of the Social Service office was all ed debating whether to keep hanging on to the entitlement to social security benefits could be purpose, as also to look after the remaining
charm. I informed her that I was not dead but phone or hang it up. When I was about to hang it reviewed. I informed the office in writing that children, I need seven days leave. Last year also
it was my wife who had passed away and I had up, I saw the ghost of a fat medical bill floating in she was no longer in this world, that I had sub- when I was faced with similar circumstances, I
myself informed their office of her demise. She my direction to strangulate me financially. mitted to them a copy of her death certificate. had applied for leave but was not granted, and
kept saying ‘Hokay, Hokay” (OK) to emphasize Eventually when he did return to the Obviously, she could not claim, nor receive any the child in question died as a result thereof.”
the clarity of her comprehension. She also took phone, he apologized for the error and said it benefit since her death over 14 years ago. This young man left service and did quite well as
some notes to strengthen that impression. Natu- was the fault of his office and that of the com- My wife was an effervescent, vivacious per- a cloth merchant.
rally, I was quite confident that I had communi- puter; it took him so much time to correct the son always enhancing the joie de vivre of those To sum up, let me quote the famous French
cated to her my predicament and that the minor numerous entries in the computer. around her by her wit and humor. Even in death fiction writer, Balzac: “Bureaucracy is a giant
mistake of identity would not turn out to be a Computers are indeed great. They make she appears to be maintaining for others that mechanism operated by pyg mies.” Let me add
big bill for the medical service I was receiving lots of mistakes, but when they do, it is nobody’s zest for life. the adjective “brain-dead” to pygmies. I should
for my diabetes. fault! I recalled the story of a plumber who wrote know; I have held bureaucratic jobs for decades.
Lo and behold! Within a couple of The computer is undoubtedly a poor sub- to the Bureau of Standards that he had found (Repeated)

n By Abdul Moiz Malik “Abey Kaale ….”, It’s Not Sarfraz Ahmed alone ment the Pakistan Cricket Board
Karachi, Pakistan (PCB) and International Cricket
As a child, I saw that it amused Council (ICC) deem fit. PCB has
grew up in a neighborhood me too because apparently, it was released a statement denouncing the
near Civil Hospital, Karachi. fun for everyone else. So, I found incident, but hasn’t stated any reper-
I Being a government hospital, it funny as well and picked up on cussions Sarfraz would face.
it was always thronged with people it. It permanently changed my per- Sarfraz’s words were problem-
– most of them be- ception about them and eventu- atic and why many of us see no prob-
longing to the poor- ally whenever I saw someone from lem in them is because of a deeper
est segment of the Lyari with those features, my mind issue: our insouciance towards our
society – who come instantly recalled the term ‘Makrani’. racist attitudes. There is a besotted
in bereft of hope to Though I never said anything rac- sense of revulsion in how we look
get their loved ones ist to their faces, what I learned in at people who appear different from
treated for free. Civil my childhood forever changed my us. This comes from being in a cul-
Hospital was more frequently vis- outlook towards people just because ture where terms like maila, kala,
ited by residents of Lyari, a squalid they looked mildly different from chamaar, and various assorted terms
area that is home mostly to the me. are common on a daily basis. People
middle, lower-middle and poor This doesn’t make me or those unconsciously utter these words and
segments of our society. who I learned it from racists, but while they are belittling and conde-
Now, if anyone has seen the is part of a deeper, more pervasive scending, they are considered ‘jokes’.
denizens of Lyari, they know that problem that is ingrained in our The worst part about Sar-
most of them differ from others in minds. A problem that is invisible fraz calling a South African player
their looks in certain ways. Their – or glaringly visible at times – so “Kaala” is that most Pakistanis don’t
complexion is dark and their hair much so that we don’t even realize Sarfraz and Andile Phehlukwayo even think it’s a racist remark. We
is curly. (Yes, I know how it sounds, that there is a problem. Ahmed, during Pakistan’s second Though he didn’t abuse her, in our are living in the stone age. No won-
but don’t be so quick to judge; read No, I’m not trying to justify ODI match against South Africa, culture dragging mothers and sisters der Sarfraz said that casually on the
on first, then judge). In local vernac- racism under the garb of societal passed a distasteful and derogatory in our jibes is intolerable and the fact big stage where everything is scruti-
ular, they are referred to as ‘Makra- influence. What I’m trying to do is comment aimed at Andile Pheh- that Sarfraz did that was reprehen- nized to the core.
ni’, those from Makran in Balo- to make everyone understand that lukwayo. He said: “Abey kaale, teri sible and all the flak he is getting is When our society keenly in-
chistan. There is nothing wrong with it is something deeply ingrained in ammi aaj kahaan baitheen hain? Kya justified. Racism is a serious prob- dulges in such acts, our kids adapt
the term per se, but locals use it as us from a very young age but that parhwa ke aaya hai aaj?” lem and all the other sports bodies this behavior and become incapable
a derogatory term to mock them for does not make it okay. Once we real- (Hey black guy, where’s your around the world are very conscious of respecting people who are differ-
looking different. I grew up watch- ize how wrong it is, change should mother sitting today? What have about keeping this bad practice out ent from them. They imitate whatev-
ing people in my surrounding mock follow. I realized, and now I under- you asked her to pray for you?) of the game. Thus, Sarfraz’s abuse er they see. This ingrained revulsion
them, though not on their face. This stand. So should the others. He not only mocked him for his should not go without consequenc- while making them prejudiced
term was soon associated with them. Pakistan captain Sarfraz color but also referred to his mother. es. He should face whatever punish- SARFRAZ, P28
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