November
07, 2007
Lost in Cyberspace
I admit that there is an inherent
incompatibility, an incorrigible incongruity, between
me and my computer.
I have been for the past few years struggling to
have at least a reasonable equation with this contraption
and in particular with its Internet facility. Agreed
that I have not gone about learning something of
this cyberspace technology in a systematic, student-like
fashion; I did however try to go through some elementary
books –the Idiot series appropriately- but
I couldn’t proceed beyond URL, HTML, HTTP
and other acronyms for the simple reason that I
could not hold in my memory for more than a few
seconds what exactly each one stood for and how
it operated in the nebulous cyberspace.
Even the very term ‘cyberspace’ had
me completely disoriented. Efforts to envision it
would put me into a virtual trance. I would be lost
in cyberspace like a 3-year old separated from his
mother in a crowded but fascinating Disneyland and
asking the security guard, ‘Sir, how you seen
a lady go by without me?’
Being a hyper-squeamish person, frequent encounters
with words like navigation, surfing, port, floating,
network navigation, would trigger images of seasickness.
The only surf I am familiar with is the one pounding
the shore.
I have certainly not inherited from my forefathers
any genes having a bent for cyber technology. I
am therefore no street smart by birth on the Web.
I am more like a disoriented pedestrian lost on
the information superhighway. Thank goodness, this
superhighway has no vehicular traffic to dispatch
to archives pedestrians like me.
Hunkered down in front of my computer screen, surfing
through www.blah.blah.com, I have so often scratched
my head and pulled my hair that I have become hair-free.
When I think how quickly my sons and even grandchildren
resolve my computer glitches, I wish I had inherited
their genes! Had I known that my grandchildren would
be this smart, I would have had them first.
All religions teach a respect for the elders; my
ineptitude and clumsiness with modern technologies
have taught me a respect for the young. I am dependent
on my computer-savvy grandchildren.
Eighty per cent of the on-line crowd, also known
as cybercitizens, researchers claim, are relatively
young being between 18 and 45 years of age. The
younger crowd is fast expanding the technological
generation gap with their parents and grandparents.
The Internet has caused the collapse of the traditional
old-boys network; it is now young-boys network.
The seamless flow on the Web of information that
is intertwined has caused significant changes in
values and norms covering basic human experiences
on family, religion and community. The information
superhighway brings unfettered to your screen the
reactions, to a given incident, of knowledgeable
persons in various parts of the world. This cross-fertilization
of ideas augurs well for coming generations.
My personal predicament is something else. Perhaps
it represents the anachronism of my generation.
I would lose temper at the computer and give it
a verbal blast every time I thought it was responsible
for a glitch. It must have become inured to my tantrums.
Were you talking to the computer, I was once asked
by my youngest grandson.
Yes, I was.
What did you say?
Shall I leave out the swear words?
Yes, of course.
Then, I didn’t say a word.
The desktop personal computer made its debut over
two decades back. America rushed headlong into the
computer age, more people responding to the allure
of this powerful new master. A new national divide
has thus developed between the computer literate
and illiterate, the former being in the majority
now. Over 150 million PCs are in use in the US.
The digital technology is spreading so fast that
America entered the 21st century with the word AD
standing for All Digital.
This new deity influences and often even directs
an individual’s freedom of choice –which
is otherwise the biggest blessing of life in America.
To travel, for instance, from city ‘A’
to city ‘B’ one may take one of three
freeways. But, put on the navigation program in
your new model car and the invisible lady behind
that program will direct you to your destination
by a route of her own choice often quite circuitous.
To a person like me who has no sense of direction,
she is a great companion though as invisible and
nebulous as the cyberspace itself. Don’t look
under the hood, you won’t find her there.
I have already done that.
The advertisers on the Internet keep reminding us
that this is a free country, the leader of the free
world. No wonder, the word ‘free’ keeps
recurring in numerous ads. God has provided to us
the best things of life -air, water, sun, for instance-
quite free. Ads on the Internet offer many other
things –good, bad, worse or even imaginary-
absolutely free. Some setups are currently offering
even computers free. They collect in return data
about the recipients’ shopping patterns, likes
and dislikes, ages and income groups etc. This data
they sell to manufacturers and vendors to enable
them to focus their marketing messages on potential
buyers.
Evidently, there is some thing sneaky about this
“free” business. Nothing in America
comes free; there is always a trade-off.
While on the Web, my focus is constantly distracted
by the advertisement gimmicks. How can you not notice
a miniature man running up, down and sideways on
all four sides of a square? How long can you ignore
a cube with bright-colored drawings on all its sides
turning round and round in the margin of the material
you are trying to read?
While writing this piece, my attention was distracted
by at least a dozen parachutist ads, each offering
an irresistible bait to catch your credit card.
I do not know how to stop these unwelcome intruders.
Perhaps my grandchildren would be able to shoot
down these parachutists.
A friend has advised me to go to the ‘Help’
column to find answers to my problems. I told him
that I would first need his help to find the ‘Help’
column. When I do succeed in pulling up such a column,
I have to go through a volume of irrelevant information
before reaching the sought item, if I remember till
then what it was that I needed the advice on.
Possibility of getting lost is quite strong in the
myriad of informational resources on the Internet,
which is like an enormous library without a librarian
or even an owner. You cannot therefore go to any
one to complain or seek guidance.
With hundreds of million of pages on the WWW portion
of the Internet alone, it is easy to find yourself
side-tracked as you are led down the garden path
away from your original topic. That has happened
with me many a time. As I have already said, there
is no one on the Internet to take your grouse to.
Through trials and constant errors I have acquired
an elementary knowledge about cyberspace and Internet,
although I maintain that I am but an outdated, out-of-place
pedestrian lost on the information superhighway.
Still, I am no match to the customers in the following
anecdotes. That is no small solace to me.
Customer: “Can you copy the Internet for me
on this diskette?”
---
Customer: “So that’ll get me connected
to the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Yeah.”
Customer: “And that’s the latest version
of the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Huh…uh…yeah.”
Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”
Salesperson: “Sure. We’ve a large variety.”
Customer: “But will they be compatible with
my computer?”
(arifhussaini@hotmail.com)
